The Big Bang Theory Forums

I thought we could all use a place to post and see all the wacky things the internet has to offer, here are some funny (by my standards atleast ) things found on the internet.

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When insults had class.

Quote:"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder

lol... love the pic... here are more funny and weird pics..

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I hope you like them
I'll post more later

Thanks, they are very funny

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I edited our posts to make them attachments, just so we're not streching the board

I found this quite funny, even though I am Scottish!
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If it's funny quotes you want, Samuel Goldwyn is your man. Here are a few:

"A Hospital is no place to be sick."

"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined."

"I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead."

"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs."

"I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it."

"I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years."

"I read part of it all the way through."

"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive."

"Let's have some new cliches."

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

"Television has raised writing to a new low."

"When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy."

"You've got to take the bitter with the sour."

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."

"A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad."

"Color television! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white."

"Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success."

"If Roosevelt were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave."

"Our comedies are not to be laughed at."

"The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead."

"The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying."

"Too caustic? To hell with the costs, we'll make the picture anyway."

"We're overpaying him, but he's worth it."

Tom Wrote:If it's funny quotes you want, Samuel Goldwyn is your man. Here are a few

They were very funny. The oxymoron ones are the best.

I got these for a website, I guess people can make them up and submit their one:

Quote:Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

http://www.coolfunnyquotes.com/

HighCommander Wrote:Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Those two are very funny.

I quite like this:

Quote:There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'

Tripper Wrote:I quite like this:

Quote:There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'

I don't know why the British hate the French though, Americans do too ... Canada welcomes them