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  1. 1 point
    The Retraction Reaction Season 11 Episode 02 Teleplay by Story by Dave Goetsch Steve Molaro & & Eric Kaplan Steve Holland & & Anthony Del Broccolo Maria Ferrari COLD OPEN/SCENE A ATOM CUT TO APARTMENT 4A (Leonard, Sheldon, Penny, Howard, Raj, Bernadette, Amy) SITTING IN LIVING ROOM, EATING TAKE OUT. RAJ GET UP, WALKS TO KITCHEN SHELDON: Ahhhh, one dumpling left, who wants it? AMY: Maybe you should offer it to the pregnant lady. SHELDON (quizzically): And that would be? SHELDON LOOKS AT BERNADETTE. BERNADETTE: Me, Sheldon, I’m obviously pregnant. SHELDON: Well, you never said it to my face. And, the last time I assumed a woman was pregnant, it did to go over well. PENNY: Yeah, I’m still mad at you. SHELDON: You were drinking water instead of wine, what was I supposed to think? RAJ ENTERS FROM KITCHEN. RAJ: Sheldon’s right, I would never ask a woman if she was pregnant. Unless, she tells me, or I see a human being wiggling out of her. RAJ SITS ON FLOOR NEXT TO THE COFFEE TABLE. BERNADETTE: Well, Sheldon, I’m pregnant. SHELDON: Congratulations, how far along are you? BERNADETTE: About three months. SHELDON(shocked): Only three? Good gravy, how many babies are in there? HOWARD: Okay, let’s talk about something that won’t infuriate my pregnant wife. RAJ: I read an interesting fact about elephants. HOWARD: Try again. LEONARD: Oh…oh…I’ve got something. I’m being interviewed on Public Radio this Friday. HOWARD: Oh, cool, how come? LEONARD: The university is trying to get more funding for the physics department, so they want me to go out and talk it up. SHELDON(astonished at Leonard): Really? You? LEONARD LOOKS HURT AMY WHISPERS INTO SHELDON’S EAR. SHELDON (deadpan): Well, they picked the right person for the job. LEONARD (underwhelmed): THANK YOU. SHELDON (Whispering to AMY): I think he bought it. CUT TO OPENING TITLES ACT 1 SCENE B ATOM CUT TO NPR RADIO STUDIO (Leonard, Ira Flatow) IRA: Hi, I’m Ira Flatow, and this is Science Friday. Joining me today is my guest, physicist Dr Leonard Hofstadter. To talk about all of the exciting research they’re doing at CalTech. LEONARD (first words are in a high pitch), Thank you for having me…whoa… I never get used to hearing myself in headphones. LEONARD TURNS AND LOOKS AT THE CONTROL ROOM. LEONARD: Is that really how I sound? IRA: It is, it is. LEOANRD (Lowering his voice): That is good to know. CUT TO APARTMENT 4A (Sheldon, Penny, Amy) ALL LISTENING TO LEONARD ON THE COMPUTER. LEONARD AND IRA [VO] IN BACKGROUND SHELDON;I told him his voice was annoying, he didn’t want to listen. PENNY: Hey! SHELDON: Your saying it’s not? PENNY(Resignedly): Just. Hey RESET TO RADIO STUDIO IRA: So, it has been five years since the discovery of the Higgs Boson. What’s the next big thing gonna be? LEONARD: Wow, that’s hard to say. There’s so much going on, we’ve been collecting tons of data, that could revolutionize the way we understand the universe. For instance, there’s a particle, called a squark which could prove supersymmetry. IRA: That is interesting, have you found it? LEONARD: What? The squark? IRA: Yes LEONARD(Softly): No, no. (BEAT) Wouldn’t that be exciting? (BEAT) But, we’re also looking for the selection, the gluino, and the nuetralino. IRA: Have you found th… RESET TO QUICK SHOT OF 4A RESET TO RADIO STUDIO. LEONARD: NO. As far as I know, I went to high school with a girl named Theresa Gluino. But, it didn’t cast two billion dollars to find her. She was smoking behind the gym. IRA: So, what have you found? LEONARD: Ahhh, nothing, actually. CUT TO WOLOWITZ KITCHEN (Howard, Bernadette, Raj) ALL THREE LISTENING TO LEONARD ON THEIR COMPUTER BERNADETE: Should he be saying that? RAJ: Probably not. HOWARD: Yeah, this is public radio, doesn’t he realize this is public radio, doesn’t he realize dozens of people might hear him? RESET TO RADIO STUDIO LEOANRD: I remain confident, we got the best equipment, and the best minds, all working on it. RESET TO APARTMENT 4A AMY: Ok, sounds like he’s back on track. RESET TO RADIO STUDIO LEONARD: Although, some days I’m like, Arrrrgggg, we’ve spent so much money, why haven’t we found anything? What are we doing? RESET TO APARTMENT 4A SHELDON, PENNY GIVE A NEGATIVE FACIAL REACTION. AMY: Oh, boy. ATOM CUT TO SCENE B CALTECH CAFATERIA. (Sheldon, Howard, Raj) HOWARD SPOTS LEONARD IN THE CAFETERIA LINE. HOWARD: There’s Leonard. I bet he’s having a rough day. RAJ: Let’s just try to be supportive. SHELDON: Supportive? He publicly maligned the love of my life, lady physics, HOWARD: You might not want to mention that to lady fiancé . LEONARD APPROACHES PUTS TRAY ON THE TABLE, SITS DOWN. LEONARD: Hey, guys. HOWARD: Hey. RAJ: How’s it going. SHELDON: Pff. LEONARD: What, you got something to say? SHELDON: I think I just said it. “P” “F” “F”. Pff. LEONARD: Look, I…I…I was just speaking the truth. We-we’re scientists, isn’t that what were supposed to do? SHELDON: Oh, what would you know about the truth. You thought Phantom Menace was not half-bad. LEONARD: I told you that in confidence. RAJ: Ok, calm down, OK everybody just cool it. HOWARD: No, let them go. If we get lucky, maybe one of them will start crying. LEONARD: Can we just drop this and have lunch, like adults. RAJ: OK HOWARD: Uh huh SHELDON: Very well. SHELDON: Leonard. LEONARD: What? SHELDON: Pfff. ATOM CUT TO SCENE C AMY’S LAB (Amy) AMY IS PUTTING THINGS IN A BOX BERNADETTE KNOCKS ON DOOR AND ENTERS BERNADETTE: You ready for lunch? AMY: Oh, one second. BERNADETTE: Ooooooo, someone has a lot of fancy new lab equipment. AMY: I know, the university’s been throwing money at my study. With any luck, there’ll be a brain disease with my name on it. BERNADETTE: Fingers crossed. AMY: Which is ironic, because if you had Fowler’s Palsy, you wouldn’t be able to cross your fingers. BERNADETTE: I’m surprised Sheldon’s not up here playing with all your new toys. AMY: Actually, I haven’t told him about it. We’ve been getting so much more funding than physics, he’s been a little sensitive. BERNADETTE: So, you’re just going to hide your success from him? AMY: I know, am I terrible? BERNADETTE: No, I do that too. Howie thought my company retreat was in Boise, it was in Tahiti. AMY: That’s such a relief, I mean part of me was worried I was being unfair to Sheldon. BERNADETTE: Take that part of yourself and hide it away. Just like I did with last year’s bonus check, that I MAKES AIR QUOTES BERNADETTE: didn’t get. AMY AND BERNADETTE LEAVE ROOM. ATOM CUT TO SCENE D HR OFFICE (Ms Davis) [SFX] KNOCK ON DOOR, LEONARD ENTERS. LEONARD: Ms Davis, you wanted to see me. MS DAVIS: Yes, Dr Hofstadter, come on in. MS DAVIS WALKS TO HER CHAIR AND SITS DOWN LEOANRD CLOSES DOOR. LEOANRD: Should I sit, or stand, I’m not used to being called into the dean’s office. MS DAVIS: Please sit. LEONARD WALKS TO THE CHAIR AND SITS DOWN. LEONARD: I have to say, I’m a little nervous. MS DAVIS: You should be. LEONARD: Look, I know I screwed up, but it was only one interview. Mmm, how much damage could it have caused? MS DAVIS OPENS HER LAPTOP MS DAVIS: Would you like for me to read you the emails, from donors asking why are the giving us money, if physics is a dead end? LEONARD: I didn’t say it was a dead end, I just said, I was worried it might be. MS DAVIS: So, if I just said I was worried that you might not have a job next week, how would you feel? LEONARD: Light-headed and glad you asked me to sit down. (BEAT) Just tell me what I can do. MS DAVIS: I’m going to need you to make a statement… MS DAVIS CLOSES HER LAPTOP MS DAVIS: …Saying you misspoke, and that you’re confident the physics community is close to a major breakthrough. LEONARD: You want me to lie. MS DAVIS: Look, Dr Hofstadter, I’m counting on you, I think that you are the smartest physicist at this university. LEONARD (Sounding happy): Really? MS DAVIS: See, lies, they’re not that hard. ATOM CUT TO SCENE E AMY AND SHELDON’S APARTMENT (Sheldon) LOOKING OVER SEVERAL WHITE BOARDS. AMY ENTERS SHELDON TURNS TO HER. AMY PUTS KEYS IN THE BOWL. AMY: Hi. SHELDON: Hello. SHELDON TURNS BACK TO THE WHITE BOARDS. AMY GLANCES AT WHITEBOARD. AMY: Huh, Looks like you’ve been busy. AMY TAKES OFF HER PURSE, SETS IT DOWN. SHELDON: Oh, I have. Dark Matter, reconciling gravity and quantum mechanics, super symmetry. I have figured out the biggest problems in physics today. AMY: Wow, you solved them all? SHELDON: No, I just, I figured they are the biggest problems. AMY WALKS TO KITCHEN AMY: Is this about what Leonard said on the radio? SHELDON: Absolutely not, and I do not want to talk about Leonard, can we just please talk about anything else. AMY TAKES BOTTLE OF WATER OUT OF FRIDGE, OPENS IT. AMY: We can talk about my day. SHELDON: Walked right into that one, didn’t I. AMY: Well, since you sorta asked, I actually had a very good day. Got some new equipment for my lab. SHELDON: Well, congratulations. I got some new equipment too. These markers. SHELDON PICKS UP MARKERS, PULLS OFF THE TOP AND WAVES THEM AROUND. SHELDON: And they smell like fruit. which I did not notice when I bought them (sniffs one), don’t really care for it. ATOM CUT TO SCENE F APARTMENT 4A (Leonard, Penny) PENNY BRINGING WINE AND TWO GLASSES TO LEONARD AT THE COUCH, PENNY: Here, drink this. PENNY POURS DRINKS. PENNY: It might help LEONARD: What if it doesn’t? PENNY: Now, that’s why I brought the bottle. LEONARD: No one would talk to me in the halls, they just glared at me, it was like high school all over again. PENNY: Ohhhhhh, I would totally do high school all over again. LEOANRD LOOKS AT PENNY SADLY. PENNY RAISES HER ARMS PENNY: But, that doesn’t help you. LEONARD: I got called in the administration office. PENNY: Ooooooooo, look at my bad boy getting called to the principal. LEONARD: We don’t technically have a principal, there’s a standing committee that oversees the budget. PENNY: Oooooooo, look at my bad boy answering questions nobody asked. Oh, come on, look, you said a few dumb things on the radio, what’s the worse that could happen? LEONARD: I may get fired. PENNY: Ok, well even if you did, you could find another job. LEONARD: Yeah, who wouldn’t want to hire the physicist who publicly said, physics is dead. PENYY: Well, I wouldn’t put that under special skills. LEONARD: I-I-I can fix it, I-I just need to write a retraction I don’t believe in. Basically sell out to keep my job. PENNY: Great I’ll leave you to it. PENNY GET UP, TAKES GLASSES AND WALKS AWAY. ATOM CUT TO SCENE G APARTMENT 4B (Sheldon) SHELDON LOOKING AT BOARD SHELDON: Hmmmmmmm SHELDON TURNS TOWARD NEXT BOARD (TWO BEATS). SHELDON: Hhhhhhmmmmmmm SHELDON LOOKS AT THIRD BOARD. SHELDON: Oy. [SFX] THREE KNOCKS. LEONARD [VO] Sheldon it’s me. SHELDON WALKS TO DOOR, OPENS IT SHELDON: What? LEONARD WALKS INTO THE ROOM, TO JUST IN FRONT OF COUCH. LEONARD: Look, I know you’re mad, but I have to write a statement that says the physics community is close to a breakthrough, and since you actually believe that, I could really use your help. SHELDON: Sorry, I can’t. LEONARD: Come on, don’t be like that. SHELDON: I can’t, because I think you were right. LEONARD: What? SHELDON CLOSES DOOR SHELDON: Look, not all science pans out. We’ve been hoping supersymmetry was true for decades, and finally we built the Large Hadron Collider, which is supposed to prove it, by finding all these new particles, but it hasn’t. Uh, maybe supersymmetry, out last big idea is simply wrong. SHELDON WALKS TO THE FRIDGE, OPENS IT. LEONARD: Well, that sounds awful. Now I get why everyone hates me. SHELDON: On the bright side, after working together for fifteen years, you finally get to hear me say, “you were right”. LEONARD(Smiling): Yeah, ya did. SHELDON: How’s it feel? LEONARD: Given I might be unemployed, bittersweet.. FADEOUT END ACT 1 ATOM CUT TO ACT 2 SCENE H APARTMENT 4B (Sheldon, Leonard) SHELDON PACES BEHIND COUCH LEONARD IS SITTING ON, WRITING ON HIS COMPUTER. SHELDON: Read it back to me. LEONARD: Hang on. Yes, one might question the $20 Billion to build and run the Large Hadron Collider, but on the other hand… SHELDON: Ok, umm, oh, oh, on the other hand, contrary to predictions, the collider didn’t create a small black hole, that devoured the Earth, and life as we know it so, money well spent. LEONARD: This is depressing, do you have any alcohol around here? SHELDON: Oh, not surprisingly, when Penny moved out, she took every last drop. Um, oh, but, I do have several bottles of Romulan ale that I bought at Comic-con. LEONARD: Isn’t that just vodka with blue dye in it? SHELDON: First physics, now Romulan Ale, what else would like to defecate on. [SFX] KNOCK ON THE DOOR, PENNY ENTERS PENNY: HEY, I thought you were coming right back. LEONARD: I was, but were both depressed and decided to drown our sorrows. SHELDON WALKS TO LEONARD POURING A DRINK PENNY: In mouthwash? Man, that is so summer camp. SHELDON: It’s Romulan Ale, from Star Trek. LEONARD: It was briefly legalized during the alliance between the Romulan Empire and the Federation at the time of the Dominion War. PENNY: Awwww, ow I’m depressed. ATOM CUT TO SCENE J WOLOWITZ’S KITCHEN (Bernadette, Amy) BERNADETTE IS POURING TEA FOR EACH OF THEM. AMY: The more I told him about my lab, the pissier he got. You know what he said to me? He said, “I hope all of your correlations turn out to be specious.” BERNADETTE: He said that to your face? What a dick. You know, you’re a successful woman, you should be able to brag about your accomplishments once in a while. AMY: So should you. I mean the guys are never shy about bragging. BERNADETTE: Tell me about. Howie, texts me every time his dog levels up in Warcraft. AMY: Has he every called you to tell you he found three peanuts in one shell? Cause Sheldon has. BERNADETTE: We should be able to do that too. AMY: I guess we can brag to each other. BERNADETTE: That’s a great idea. AMY: Damn right it is, I came up with it. (Laughs) That felt good. BERNADETTE: You know, there’s so much money in pharmaceuticals, we don’t even was out our test tubes. We just throw them out and get new ones. AMY: I just got a brand new, state of the art, FMRI machine. BERNADETTE: Whoa, those things are so expensive. AMY: I know, sometimes, I just lie down in there, and take a nap. (Beat) It’s like a million dollar bunkbed. BERNADETTE: At the office, I have two assistants. I don’t even know their names, I just call them thing one and thing two. AMY: That’s great, I don’t have assistants. BERNADETTE: I guess that’s one of the benefits of being in the private sector. That, and all the money I make. AMY: Yeah, you’ve got that, I’ve got my integrity. Hard to say with is better without making you feel bad. ATOM CUT TO SCENE K APARTMENT 4B (Sheldon, Leonard, Penny) PENNY POURING ANOTHER DRINK INTO HER GLASS. SHELDON LOOKING AT HIS PHONE, LEONARD SITTING. PENNY: Ok, so you guys are upset because the collider thing disproved your theories? LEONARD: It’s worse than that. It hasn’t found anything in years, so we don’t know if we’re right, we don’t know if we’re wrong, we don’t know where to go next. SHELDON: All I know is it looks like I tongue kissed Avatar. SHELDON STICKS TONGUE OUT, IT'S BLUE. PENNY SITS ON THE COUCH PENNY: Come on, you guys are physicists, Ok, you are always going to be physicists. And, sure, sometimes, the physics is hard, but isn’t that what makes it boring HOWARD AND RAJ ENTER HOWARD: Hey, we’re here. What’s going on? PENNY: Ok, as far as I can see, science is dead, because Leonard killed it, and I don’t know who the Romulans are, but those guys know how to party. RAJ: So, what do you want us to do? PENNY: I don’t know, you’re scientists, cheer them up. HOWARD: Cheer them up? Do you even know what a scientist is? LEONARD: We don’t need to be cheered up, it just turns out that physics is exactly like Lost. It started out great and turns out just a big old waste of time. RAJ: Boo hoo, you know what you sound like? Babies. Two, whiny, babies. There’s nothing worse than being stuck with two whiny babies. HOWARD: Ohhhh. HOWARD REMEMBERS HE’S GOING TO HAS A SECOND SHORTLY, SITS ON COUCH, LOOKS DEPRESSED. HOWARD: Oh my God, I’m going to have two babies. RAJ: No, no, no, no, no, no, babies are great. You’re lucky to have two babies. I mean, look at me, I’m all alone, I’m never gonna have babies. Cause you can’t make a baby, watching Netflix with your dog. RAJ COLLAPSES TO SIT ON COUCH. PENNY(sounding sarcastic) Thank for coming. ATOM RESET TO SCENE L WOLOWITZ’S KITCHEN AMY: I may not make as much money as you, but at least I know that I’m actually doing something that makes people’s lives better. BERNADETTE: My work makes peoples lives better. Especially if you have moderate to severe eczema and don’t mine a few loose teeth. AMY: You’re right, we both do important work. I’m trying to map the structures of the brain, and you’re trying to convince people that itchy hair is a real thing. BERNADETTE: It is a real thing. It happens to be a side effect of our cholesterol drug AMY: I’m just saying that my research, may actually change the world forever. BERNADETTE: I hope it does, cause I’m gonna see that world, from a yacht so big, you can land a helicopter on it. ATOM RESET TO SCENE M APARTMENT 4B GUYS AND PENNY SITTING IN THE APARTMENT. LEONARD: Physics is all we’re cut out for. If we weren’t physicists, what would we be? HOWARD: I don’t know, popular. SHELDON: It’s fine, I don’t need to be a theoretical physicist. There’s lots of things I could use this brain for. I could be an account for the mob. I could guess peoples weight at the fair. PENNY: Ok, this is getting silly. SHELDON LOOKS AT PENNY. SHELDON: Is it? SHELDON POINTS AT PENNY. SHELDON: 180. PENNY LOOKS OUTRAGED, SHELDON NODS PENNY: Ok, that is enough. Your lives are not wasted. Your careers are not at a dead end. You just hit a rough patch. Instead of feeling sorry for yourselves, get up and get inspired. LEONARD: How? PENNY: I don’t know. When I’m feeling down, I go for a run. Which is exactly why I’m not 180 pounds, genius SHELDON LOOKS SHEEPISH. HOWARD GETS UP OFF THE COUCH HOWARD: I know where we need to go. LEONARD: Are we running there? Because watching drunk Sheldon run would be the highlight of my life. HOWARD: We’re going to see Richard Feynman. SHELDON: Penny, Richard Feynman is an iconic… PENNY: I know who he is, Leonard dressed as him for Halloween last year. THEY ALL GET UP AND WALKED TOWARD THE DOOR ATOM CUT TO SCENE N (EXT) CEMETERY (Sheldon, Leonard, Penny, Howard, Raj) ALL WALKING AROUND LOOKING AT STONES FOR FEYNMAN’S GRAVE PENNY: I had no idea Richard Feynman was dead. HOWARD: Yeah. Most people don’t know he’s buried right here in Altadena. SHELDON: I’m sure they keep a lid on that, to avoid traffic jams. HOWARD BRUSHES LEAVES OFF OF A GRAVE WITH HIS FOOT HOWARD: Huh, huh. Here he is. HOWARD KNEELS, BRUSHES LEAVES OFF WITH HIS HAND PENNY: Oh, wow, he’s buried with his wife. RAJ: We get it, a lady loved you. Quit bragging. LEONARD: Feynman was so cool. When I was a kid, I’d put on some headphones, and crank up one of his lectures and just jam out to knowledge. HOWARD: This guy knew how to live. Taught himself musical instruments, studied Portuguese, just to give a speech in Brazil RAJ: The only part of me that’s been to Brazil is my Bikini line. PENNY TAKES BOTTLE FROM RAJ. PENNY: OK. LEONARD: He did so much. And here we are, stuck and letting him down. SHELDON: Feynman used to say he didn’t do physics, for the glory or the awards, but for the fun of it. LEONARD: He’s right. Physics is only dead when we stop being excited by it. RAJ: Even beyond the grave, he’s imparting wisdom. SHELDON: Um, I’m the one who remembered it. HOWARD: Give me the bottle. PENNY HANDS HOWARD THE BOTTLE OF ROMULAN ALE HOWARD: It might be a little bit corny, but I say we pour one out for all the science homies, who came before us. RAJ: I love that. LEONARD: Do it. HOWARD POURS A BIT OUT OF THE BOTTLE ONTO THE GRAVESTONE, THEN TAKES A DRINK HIMSELF. SHELDON: Here comes some more. SHELDON RUNS OFF. A FEW SECONDS LATER IS THE SOUND OF VOMITING. PENNY (Smiling): Ahhhh, we got to see him run. FADEOUT END OF ACT 2 TAG ATOM CUT TO SCENE P HR OFFICE (MS Davis) [SFX] KNOCK ON THE DOOR LEONARD OPENS DOOR, LOOKS IN LEOANRD: Hi, you wanted to see me? MS DAVIS: Yes, I wanted to talk to you about the email you sent me last night. LEONARD: I sent you an email? MS DAVIS (smiling): You bet you did. LEONARD ENTERS AND SITS IN CHAIR IN FRONT OF DESK. MS DAVIS READS LEOANRD’S EMAIL FROM HER COMPUTER. MS DAVIS: Hello. Shalom and aloha from the grave of Richard Feynman. LEONARD’S EXPRESSION CHANGES TO ONE OF DESPAIR LEONARD: Awwwwww, it’s coming back to me. MS DAVIS: Pleases accept the following retraction. I know I said physics is dead, but it is the opposite of dead. If anything, it is undead, like a zombie. Speaking of which, if Richard Feynman came back as a zombie, I would totally let him bite me. MS DAVIS STARES AT LEONRD WITH A WRY LOOK. LEONARD: Any chance that’s the end? WITH A DEADPAN REACTION, MS DAVIS CONTINUES READING. LEONARD SHAKES HIS HEAD. MS DAVIS: I got bit by a squirrel once, I had to get rabies shots. I cried so much, my mother said, “Don’t be a baby.” In conclusion, physics is great, squirrels suck, and someday, I’m gonna put my mom in a cheap nursing home. (BEAT). Your’s truly, XOXO Dr Leonard Hofstadter. LEONARD: I-I-I can explain… MS DAVIS: PS, LEONARD FALLS BACK INTO HIS CHAIR MS DAVIS: Can you come pick us up? The Uber driver, won’t open the door, because Sheldon is covered in blue vomit. BLACKOUT END OF TAG RUN END CREDITS END OF SHOW
  2. 1 point
    The Proposal Proposal Season 11 Episode 01 Teleplay by Story by Steve Holland Chuck Lorre & & Maria Ferrari Eric Kaplan & & Tara Hernandez Jeremy Howe COLD OPEN ATOM CUT JOHNNY GALECKI: Previously on The Big Bang Theory. CUT TO APARTMENT 4B KITCHEN (Amy and Sheldon) AMY: I was offered a summer research fellowship at Princeton. SHELDON: A fine institution. A Place where Albert Einstein taught. And, where Leonard got his PhD, so it may have gone downhill. CUT TO CALTECH CAFETERIA (Leonard, Howard, and Raj) THE GUYS ARE SITTING AT A TABLE WHEN SHELDON, AND DR RAMONA NOWITZKI APPROACH, WITH TRAYS IN THEIR HANDS. SHELDON : Gentleman, you may remember Dr Nowitzki, she’s back at Caltech for her postdoc. RAMONA: Hello LEONARD: Hello. HOWARD: Hello. RAJ: Hi CUT TO SHELDON’S OFFICE (Sheldon and Ramona) SHELDON IS SITTING AT HIS DESK, RAMONA IS STANDING, UNPACKING THEIR LUNCH. SHELDON: Question, are you seeking a romantic relationship with me? RAMONA: What if I were? SHELDON: Well, that would raise a number of problems. We’re colleagues, I’m currently in a relation…” RAMONA KISSES SHELDON. CUT TO SHELDON APPROACHING THE DOOR OF AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. CUT TO INSIDE AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. AMY SITTING ON HER SOFA, WORKING ON HER COMPUTER. (Sheldon, Amy) [SFX] THREE KNOCKS SHELDON [VO] Amy [SFX] THREE KNOCKS SHELDON: [VO] Amy [SFX] THREE KNOCKS SHELDON: [VO] Amy. AMY, LOOKING SHOCKED, PUTS HER COMPUTER DOWN, WALKS TO THE DOOR AND OPENS IT. TO FIND SHELDON ON ONE KNEE, HOLDING OUT AN ENGAGEMENT RING. SHELDON: Will you marry me? SCENE A CONTINUES WITH AN, "AND NOW...” (Sheldon and Amy) [SFX]: SOUND OF A PHONE RINGING. SHELDON: One moment, please. SHELDON STANDS AND PULLS HIS PHONE FROM HIS PANTS POCKET. AMY: Really? You’re going to answer that now? SHELDON: It’s Leonard, I don’t want to be rude. Hello. CUTS TO INSIDE APARTMENT 4A, IN PASADENA (Leonard and Penny) LEONARD: Oh, hey, where ya been, we’ve been calling you for hours. RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. SHELDON: Oh, I’m sorry, my phone was on airplane mode. RESET TO APARTMENT 4A LEONARD: Why? RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. SHELDON: Because I was on an airplane. RESET TO APARTMENT 4A PENNY: Hey, put him on speaker. Hey, where are you? SHELDON [VO]: I came to Princeton, to see Amy. RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. SHELDON: It’s a funny story, actually. I was having lunch with Dr Nowitzki, and she kissed me. RESET TO APARTMENT 4A PENNY: Excuse me. LEONARD: What? RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. AMY: I’m sorry. SHELDON: And in that moment, I realized that Amy was the only woman I ever wanted to kiss for the rest of my life. So, I came to New Jersey to ask her to marry me. RESET TO APARTMENT 4A LEONARD: AWWWW HAW HAW HAW PENNY: Oh, that’s so sweet. RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. AMY (choked up): Sheldon. SHELDON: Although there was one man, whose blessing I needed first. CUT TO APARTMENT 4B SHELDON SITTING ON THE COUCH, TALKING TO SOMEONE ON HIS COMPUTER. SHELDON: I’ve thought about it, and I really want to spend the rest of my life with Amy. Do I have your blessing? CUT TO SHELDON’S COMPUTER SCREEN (Dr Hawking) DR HAWKING (metallic voice):Well, Sheldon, I think you should make her finger like Saturn, and put a ring on it. RESET TO APARTMENT 4A PENNY: You asked Stephen Hawking, and not her father? RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. SHELDON: Stephen Hawking is a genius, if he said no, I wasn’t going to waste my time on her father. AMY: But you did ask my father? SHELDON: I did. He said yes, but not in a robot voice, so it wasn’t nearly as cool. RESET TO APARTMENT 4A PENNY: OK, oh my god, I can’t believe you guys are engaged. RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. SHELDON: We’re not engaged yet, she’s taking forever to answer. AMY(sounding frustrated): Because you’re on the phone. SHELDON(looking surprised): We’ll call you back. RESET TO APARTMENT 4A LEONARD HANGS UP THE PHONE (BEAT) [SFX]PHONE RINGS LEONARD ANSWERS HIS PHONE SHELDON [VO]: She said yes. LEONARD: Congratulations. PENNY: Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. SHELDON AND AMY HUGGING MAIN CREDITS ACT 1 SCENE B ATOM CUT TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT. (Sheldon, Amy) SHELDON IS TALKING ON HIS PHONE SHELDON: Mother, I have some good news to shar… AMY: We’re engaged. AMY JUMPS UP AND DOWN. CUT TO MARY COOPERS HOUSE (Mary Cooper) MARY: I am so happy for you two, but I’m not surprised. MARY SITS DOWN MARY: I’ve been praying for this. RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT SHELDON: Well, God had nothing to do with it, it happened because I was kissing another woman, and it made me realize I wanted to be with Amy. RESET TO MARY COOPERS HOUSE MARY: More than one woman was interested in you? I might have prayed a bit too hard. RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT SHELDON: Well, I just, I wanna let you know right now, we are not getting married in a church. RESET TO MARY COOPERS HOUSE MARY: That’s all right Sheldon, any where Jesus is, is a church. RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT SHELDON: Well, he won’t be at our wedding. RESET TO MARY COOPERS HOUSE MARY: He’s in my heart, so if I’m there, he’ll be there. RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT SHELDON: Okay, well then he’s your plus one, you don’t get to bring anyone else. RESET TO MARY COOPERS HOUSE MARY: That’s fine, love you. RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT SHELDON: Love you too, bye. RESET TO MARY COOPERS HOUSE MARY: Lord, thank you. Even though you can do anything, that was mighty impressive . RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT SHELDON: We’re engaged. CUT TO CALTECH HALLWAY (Raj) RAJ: Oh my good, that’s amazing. Tell me everything. RESET TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT SHELDON: Well, Doctor Nowitzki was kissing me… AMY: OK, you can stop leading with that part of the story. CUT TO WOLOWITZ’S BEDROOM (Howard) HOWARD: Congratulations, I’m so happy for you two. Hold on, I have to tell Bernadette. HOWARD KNOCKS ON BATHROOM DOOR HOWARD: Hey, Bernie, guess what? Sheldon and Amy got engaged. Can you believe it? CUT TO WOLOWITZ’S BATHROOM (Bernadette) BERNADETTE (UPSET, LOOKING AT A PREGNANCY TEST) BERNADETTE: Oh my God. I cannot believe it. RESET TO WOLOWITZ’S BEDROOM HOWARD: She’s so happy, I think she’s crying. SCENE C CUT TO APARTMENT 4A, KITCHEN (Penny, Bernadette) BOTH HAVING TEA PENNY: Do you think Sheldon is gonna want some weird Star Trek wedding? BERNADETTE (Distracted): I don’t know. PENNY: Well, Leonard could barely finish the words Dr Who wedding cake, before I shut that down hard. BERNADETTE (Still distracted): Mmm Hmm PENNY: Are you listening to me? BERNADETTE: Yeah, you’re mean to Leonard, I heard ya. PENNY: Is everything OK? BERNADETTE: Look, I’m going to tell you something, but you can’t freak out, because I’m already freaking out. PENNY: Oh my God, what is it? BERNADETTE: I’m pregnant again. PENNY (Loudly): WHAAAATTT… TWO BEATS, AS PENNY COMPOSES HERSELF PENNY: Interesting. BERNADETTE: Howard’s gonna lose his mind. PENNY: Wait, you haven’t told him yet? BERNADETTE(shaking her head): No. PENNY: You told me first? Oh, Bernieeeee. BERNADETTE: This wasn’t supposed to happen. We were careful. PENNY: I didn’t even think you could get pregnant while you were breast feeding. BERNADETTE(sarcastically): Well, guess what, you can. PENNY: OK, look, look, this is a good thing. Halley is going to have a little brother or sister to play with. BERNADETTE: I guess that would be pretty cute. PENNY: Ya know, I was a surprise to my parents and my dad said it was the best thing that ever happened to them. BERNADETTE: OK, maybe this baby actually is a blessing. PENNY: Oh my God, honey, of course it is. PENNY GOES TO THE REFRIGERATOR. BERNADETTE (sounding frustrated) How am I pregnant again… PENNY(overlap, in disbelief): What were you thinking. SCENE D CUT TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT (Sheldon, Amy) SHELDON: All right, I’m all checked into my flight. AMY: Well, I’m sad you’re leaving. Why did you book a flight for only one day? SHELDON: I came here to propose, if you had said no, I wouldn’t want to stick around looking at your stupid face. AMY LOOKS HURT SHELDON: Now, mind you you face is only stupid in the no version of the story. AMY (smiling): But, I said yes, so I get a life time of this. SHELDON: Yes, you do, smart face. AMY: Why don’t you stay a few extra days. SHELDON: Well, I don’t have any other clothes. AMY: We’ll get you some. SHELDON: Well, I don’t know, I’m pretty particular. AMY: There’s a comic book store, less than a mile from here. SHELDON: Perfect, let’s go shopping. SHELDON AND AMY STAND UP AND WALK TOWARD THE DOOR, AMY PUTTING HER PURSE AROUND HER SHOULDER. AMY: Oh, um, and I’m having dinner with some colleagues tonight. I’m, I'm sure they’d love to meet you. SHELDON: Uhhhhhh, AMY: Come on, whaddaya say? SHELDON CLOSES THE APARTMENT DOOR SHELDON: Awwwwwww, you’re nagging me. It’s like were already married. SHELDON AND AMY WALK DOWN THE HALL AMY: Is that a yes or a no? SHELDON: Geez, save some for the honeymoon. SCENE E ATOM CUT TO CALTECH CAFATERIA (Leonard, Howard, Raj, Dr Nowitzki) HOWARD: Look at Nowitzki over there. LEONARD: I can’t believe she tried to steal Sheldon from Amy. RAJ: You know what? I’m going to go over there and tell her that they are engaged now. And, her little plan didn't work. HOWARD: Because you’re sticking up for Sheldon or because you’re still mad she rejected you. RAJ STANDS UP AND WALKS TOWARD RAMONA RAJ: To far away, can’t hear you. RAJ APPROACHE TABLE WHERE RAMONA IS SITTING. RAJ (Seductively): Hello Ramona. RAMONA (Brightly): Hello. RAJ (mockingly): Why are you sitting by yourself. Oh, that’s right. Sheldon’s in New Jersey, being engaged to Amy. RAMONA (Acting as if she doesn’t care): I heard. RAJ: Now that Sheldon’s out of the picture, I could give you one more chance to go out with me. RAMONA (dismissively): Nope, I’m good. RAJ: You sure? I will not ask again. RAMONA: I sincerely hope not. RAJ: Very well, I’m going to leave before this get awkward. RAJ TURNS AND STARTS WALKING BACK TO HIS TABLE. SCENE F ATOM CUT TO WOLOWITZ’S KITCHEN (Howard and Bernadette) BERNADETTE WORKING ON HER COMPUTER AT THE TABLE HOWARD ENTERS HOWARD: Hey. Want me to made dinner? BERNADETTE: Ahh, sure, but first, why don’t you have a seat? There’s something I need to show you. HOWARD: Ohhhhh, if it’s how to make dinner, that would be great. HOWARD SITS, BERNIE CLOSES HER LAPTOP THEN SLIDES A PREGNANCY TEST TOWARD HOWARD. HOWARD: Is this a pregnancy test? BERNADETTE: Yes. HOWARD (Looking puzzled): That means…positive? BERNADETTE: Yes. HOWARD (thinking she’s playing a trick on him): Nooooo. BERNADETTE: Yes. HOWARD (starting to panic): No- noooo. BERNADETTE: Yes. HOWARD (voice getting higher, looking upset): Noooo HOWARD TWISTS HIS FINGERS AND THEN COVERS HIS FACE. HOWARD (Starting to shout): How can this even happen? HOWARD GETS UP, OUT OF HIS CHAIR HOWARD: We were careful. BERNADETTE: Well, it did. HOWARD: (In disbelief): No BERNADETTE: Yes HOWARD STARTS PACING. HOWARD: (In disbelief): No BERNADETTE: Yes HOWARD: (In disbelief): NO BERNADETTE: Yes HOWARD: (In disbelief): NO BERNADETTE: Yes HOWARD STOPS PACING HOWARD: No, okay, okay. Well, what are we going to do? BERNADETTE: What do you mean, what are we going to do? We’re going to have another baby. HOWARD: (In panic): NOooooo BERNADETTE: Stop that. HOWARD: NO BERNADETTE: YES HOWARD: I’m trying. BERNADETTE: Look, I know it’s scary, but we’re both responsible adults. We can do this. HOWARD (Hopefully): You really think so? BERNADETTE (Starting to cry): Nooooooooooooo SCENE G ATOM CUT TO COMIC BOOK STORE (Raj and Stuart) RAJ ENTERS RAJ: Hey Stuart. STUART: Hey Raj, what can I help you with? RAJ: I need to buy an engagement gift. STUART: Well, you came to the wrong place. RAJ: It’s for Sheldon and Amy STUART: No way! They’re engaged? RAJ: Yeah. STUART: Hehe, that’s exciting news. Who’d have thought Sheldon and Amy would be the next two, to tie the knot? RAJ: Tell me about it. I’m the one that caught the bouquet at Leonard and Penny’s wedding. STUART: OK, ahhh, you know, they might like this… STUART WALKS OVER TO A TABLE DISPLAY, PICKS UP A ITEM STUART: Superman and Wonderwoman, it’s kind of romantic. RAJ: You know what? Why am I buying them a gift? They have love, screw them and their happiness. What do you have for someone who is bitter and alone? STUART (pointing around the store) Literally, everything. SCENE H ATOM CUT TO RESTUARANT NEAR PRINCETON (Sheldon, Amy, Dr Zane, Dr Harris ) SHELDON AND AMY ENTER AMY: Sheldon, these are the heads of my research team. Dr Zane, Dr Harris, this is my fiancé, Dr Sheldon Cooper. That’s the first time I’ve said that, and it kinda gave me the goosebumps. DR HARRIS: Dr Cooper, we are so excited to me you. SHELDON: Awwwww, that is very kind of you, but, if you like, I could autograph your menus, after dinner. But, I better not see those on E-bay. SHELDON AND AMY SIT DOWN DR ZANE (laughing): No, no, no, we’re just excited to meet the man that landed this brilliant woman here. AMY SMILES, SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSED SHELDON: Oh, that wasn’t hard, she threw herself at me. Now, getting the universe to show me it’s naughty bits, that took some doing. AMY: Sheldon’s a physicist. DR ZANE, DR HARRIS (underwhelmed): Oh, that’s nice. DR HARRIS: Amy, I recently read your paper on lesions on the olfactory receptors in the brain, it was inspired. AMY: (chuckling): Well, I guess it didn’t stink. And if it did, that rat wouldn’t have known it. DR ZANE: I’m sorry, I’m sure you don’t want to sit here and listen to a bunch of work talk. SHELDON: Oh, no, I love it. Let’s talk about work. Amy’s work, my work, yeah, why don’t we start with my work. DR HARRIS: Actually I do have a question for Dr Cooper. When Amy first told you about her her approach to synaptic tracing, did you think it was going to revolutionize the field? SHELDON: Aaaaaa, da, really? That’s your question? What are you, Entertainment Tonight? You know, I’m gonna give you a better question. Here, um… Dr Cooper. I heard you were working on a top secret project for the US military, why don’t you tell us about that? See, that’s a great question. DR HARRIS: Okay, what was that like? SHELDON: Oh, I can’t tell you that, it’s top secret. FADEOUT ACT 2 SCENE J ATOM CUT TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT (Sheldon and Amy) SHELDON AND AMY ENTER. AMY SLAMS HER KEYS DOWN. SHELDON CLOSES DOOR SHELDON: Boy, that was exhausting. Ya, no offense, but your colleagues are pretty rude. AMY: Really? They were rude? SHELDON: Yes. They just kept talking about you and how great you are. No matter how many times I brought me up. AMY: These are my colleagues, and they want to talk about my work, why does that bother you so much. SHELDON: Because I was there. It’s like having Optimus Prime over for dinner and not asking him to turn into a truck. AMY: You know what Sheldon, you’re not the smartest person in every room. You may not even be the smartest person in this room. SHELDON: Oh, I am sorry. Is Neil De Grasse Tyson hiding behind the couch? Because if he is, he’s not that smart, because it’s pretty dusty back there. AMY WALKS TO HER ROOM SHELDON: Hey, where are you going? AMY: I’m storming off to my room. SHELDON: Then where am I supposed to storm off to? AMY: Well, you’re so smart, why don’t you figure it out. SHELDON LOOKS AROUND SHELDON: Is there another bedroom. Perhaps a den? SHELDON CONTINUES LOOKING AROUND. ATOM CUT TO SCENE K APARTMENT 4A LIVING ROOM (Leonard, Penny, Howard, Bernadette) EATING ASIAN TAKE OUT LEAONARD: Sooooooo, how are you guys doing with all the new events in your… womb. BERNADETTE: You know, obviously it was a surprise. There was some crying and some yelling. HOWARD: Some suggestion of make-up sex that did not go over well, even though it’s not like you can get more pregnant. BERNADETTE: But, then we realized it was a gift, in a sense that we didn’t ask for it, and we may not have chosen it… HOWARD: …and we already have one. PENNY: You know, whenever I find a top that I like, I always go back and get a second one, in a different color. THE OTHER THREE LOOK AT PANNY STRANGELY. PENNY REALIZES WHAT SHE SAID. PENNY: Which, I hope is not the case with your baby. LEONARD: I know you guys are freaked out, but you’re great parents. And, if you ever need help, we are here for you. PENNY: Yeah, anything at all, just ask. BERNADETTE: Well, you know what you could do? You could have a baby too. PENNY: I’m sorry, what? HOWARD: You know, that’s a great idea. We could go through it together. Wouldn’t that be fun? LEONARD: Hehe, you guys were just saying how freaked out and miserable you are. BERNADETTE: I say a lot of crazy things, I’m pregnant and hormonal. Do it, have a baby, do it. HOWARD: Come on, it would be so cute, our kids playing together. Whadda you said, why don’t you two hit the old mattress and whip up a family. PENNY: Okay, we’re not going to have a baby just to make you guys feel better. LEONARD: Yeah, if were going to have a baby, it’s going to be when we are ready, or when I’m certain Penny’s going to leave me. PENNY: Exactly. LEONARD GRABS PENNY’S HAND AND KISSES IT. SCENE L ATOM CUT TO COMIC BOOK SHOP (Raj and Stuart) RAJ: They’re my friends, and I should be happy for them. And, I’m trying, but all I feel is this gnawing, empty sensation in my guy. STUART: I had that once. Turned out it was a tapeworm. RAJ(Looking uncomfortable): Cool. Ahhhh, it’s just…it’s hard talking to my other friends about this, but I knew you’d understand. STUART: Why is that? RAJ: Because you and I are both alone, which is actually kind of comforting, because at least we can be along together. STUART: Hmmmmmmmm, this is…this is awkward. I…um…I was actually gonna close up a little early tonight, because I have a date. RAJ: Really, STUART: Yeah. RAJ (Clears his throat): Forgive me, if I’m having trouble being happy for you. STUART: Don’t be silly, I’m loving your pain. SCENE M ATOM CUT TO AMY’S PRINCETON BATHROOM (Sheldon) TALKING TO SOMEONE ON HIS COMPUTER SHELDON: Is this how our marriage is going to be? Sometimes people will be more interested in talking to her, than to me? CUT TO [VFX]DR STEPHEN HAWKING APPEARS ON SHELDON’S COMPUTER. DR HAWKING: Are you sitting in the bathroom? SHELDON: Yes, I needed a place to storm off to, and it was all that was available. DR HAWKING: Fine, but if I hear a flush, this conversation is over. SHELDON: Those people were in the presence of a world class mind, and all they wanted to talk about was their own nonsense. DR HAWKING: Can you see the irony in that statement? (beat while Sheldon looks puzzled), How about now? (Another beat while Sheldon looks puzzled.) How about now? (Beat while Sheldon thinks about it). I’ll wait. SCENE N ATOM CUT TO APARTMENT 4A (Penny and Leonard) PENNY ENTERS APARTMENT LEONARD PRESENT PENNY WITH CAKE LEONARD: Surprise!!!! PENNY: Oh crap, is it our anniversary? LEONARD: No…wait (three beats while Leonard thinks) No. PENNY: No. All right, so what are we celebrating? PENNY CLOSES DOOR AND WALKS TO LEONARD. LEONARD: Well, Bernadette and Howard are pregnant again, Amy and Sheldon are getting married, and I didn’t want you to feel left out. PENNY: Left out? Bernadette has to grow and baby inside of her, and Amy has to marry one, my life is great. LEONARD: So do you not want the cake? PENNY: Try to take it away from me and see what happens. LEONARD TAKES OUT HIS PHONE AND LOOKS AT IT LEONARD: Oh, crap, it is our anniversary. PENNY TURNS, WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CAKE AND CAKE ALL OVER HER FACE. PENNY: Happy Anniversary. SCENE P ATOM CUT TO AMY’S PRINCETON APARTMENT (Sheldon and Amy) SHELDON ENTERS FROM BATHROOM AND CLOSES DOOR SHELDON: Amy, there is something I need to say to you. AMY: I’m listening. SHELDON: I’ve been thinking about the Avengers. AMY: I believe that. But, I don’t think that is something you needed to say to me. SHELDON AND AMY WALK TO COUCH AND SIT. SHELDON: I realize that Iron Man is great. And, also, Captain America is great. And somethings, Iron Man is in a Captain America movie. And, he’s not mad that’s it’s not an Iron Man movie. No, he can fly in, give the audience a thrill, and then fly away. And that should have been me tonight. I shoiuld have been the delightful cameo in your movie. AMY: Thank you Sheldon. SHELDON: Instead, I was like the Hulk… AMY: Ok, please stop talking about the Avengers. SHELDON: Anyway. I’m proud of you. And, I’m going to try to do a better job of sharing the spotlight, because we’re a team. Ya know, much like, the Dodgers, if they had superpowers, and fought crime, and Thor was in them. AMY: Sheldon I know this isn’t easy, but you’ll have a whole lifetime to practice. SHELDON: It could take that long, I’m really bad at it. SHELDON AND AMY HUG SHELDON: Ya know, maybe I should start right now, and go back to Pasadena and let you have this experience to yourself. AMY: You just want to go back cause that’s where everyone make a fuss over you. SHELDON: Your colleagues are right, you are brilliant. SHELDON AND AMY KISS FADEOUT END ACT 2 TAG SCENE R ATOM CUT TO THREE MONTHS LATER CALTECH CAFATERIA (Sheldon, Amy, Leonard, Howard, Raj, Ramona Nowitzki) SHELDON AND AMY WALK UP TO THE TABLE, WHERE THE GUYS ARE SITTING, AMY WAVES SHELDON: Hello. LEONARD, RAJ, HOWARD: Heyyyyyy. HOWARD: Welcom back. RAJ: Le-le-let me see the ring. LEONARD: Oohhhh, nice. SHELDON: Hey, hey, hey, her eyes are up there. AMY SEES RAMONA AT ANOTHER TABLE. AMY: Is-is that the woman who kissed Sheldon. HOWARD: I…Uh…could be… LEOANRD: Hard to say, tell us about Princeton. AMY: Excuse me for a minute LEONARD: Yeah, no, we’ll catch up late… RAJ: This is going to be the biggest smackdown since my aunt Nubush* showed up at the family reunion wearing the same Sari as my cousin Chutte* AMY WALKS UP TO ROMONA AMY: DR Nowitzki? RAMONA (looking worried): Oh, Dr Fowler…um…hello. AMY HUGS RAMONA AMY: Thank you, thank you so much. GUYS ALL LOOK PUZZLED CUT TO END CREDITS RUN END * Names are unintelligible and or unknown.
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