Stephen Hawking

New DVD release. Stephen Spielberg's Circumcision - The Directors Cut.

I got a Migraine yesterday, and I didn't have any medication on hand, so I went on Twitter and asked for advice. My favourite response was "two Paracetamol and a wank". And you know what, it totally works. It sort of pushes the throbbing down a bit. Anyway, thanks @bootsthechemist.

Tony Blair has written nine books. Well, they do say there's one good book in everybody, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the tenth.

It is against the law, to die in the Village of Sarpourenx, France. The Mayor issued a statement saying:- "All persons not having a plot in the cemetery, and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx, are forbidden from dying in the parish... Offenders will be severely punished."

I bought a a slimming magazine from WH Smiths. I didn't read it, I just wanted a giant bar of chocolate for a pound. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The vet told me my cat was in heat. I didn't even know she was famous. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I bought an Advent Calendar for Jehovah's Witnesses. Behind ever door, someone tells you to Fuck Off.

Are your vets bills getting on top of you? Try Dognitas.

Of all the mutants, Magneto was the hardest to deal with, because he was bi-polar.

I use toilet paper impregnated with Colgate. It gives me a ring of confidence.

I used to tell people my car was nippy, but recently people have been telling me that's not politically correct, so now I have to say it's Japanese.

During the war, I lived Dorset. Nobody expected the surprise Japanese attack, on Poole Harbour.

Liam and Noel Gallagher have pledged their alliance to the so called Islamic State, by going to Syria and forming a new band called OAISIS.

Such a talented lady.

My namesake, Stephen Hawking, died on pi-day (ie. March 14th), which is also Albert Einstein's birthday.

Mary and Joseph arrived in Bethlehem, and were taken to the stable, where they were shown a wooden frame, filled with straw. Joseph said "We asked to see the manager."

Crime Report. Police are searching for a chef, who has committed several breaches of the hygiene laws, and there is now a bounty on his head.