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Stephen Hawking

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Everything posted by Stephen Hawking

  1. Why does Santa always come down the chimney? Because he knows the back door would be wrong.
  2. I don't think he said it, as an insult to French people. I think he said it, to point out how easy studying French would be, to someone who is French.
  3. When they were married, Paul McCartney bought Heather Mills a plane for Christmas. For the other leg, he got her a Lady Shave.
  4. Maybe not officially, but how about as part of his philandering?
  5. Given how Egotistical Sheldon is, surely an Egotistical Amy would be the perfect match for him?
  6. That's why I've never heard of her. With this thread being in the The Big Bang Theory > The Show forum, I assumed she was a character in TBBT. Then maybe the reason they never got together, is because they're half brother and sister?
  7. I'm getting an error message. Sorry, there is a problem You do not have permission to view this content. Error code: 2F173/H
  8. Two MPs have been caught having S&M sex, on the benches in the House Of Commons. Their party has withdrawn the whip.
  9. I recently went on a 1940s themed cruise. I really enjoyed it, until we were sunk by a U-Boat.
  10. And a permit to dispose of hazardous waste.
  11. Homebase is offering jobs, to former occupants of Guantanamo Bay. Homebase reckon they'll feel at home, wearing orange jump suits, and being asked questions they don't know the answer to.
  12. I was recently a contestant on Mastermind. My specialist subject was STIs. I passed on four.
  13. Here, it's not that people no longer bother (last year's was massive), but that Covid-19 has kept most people away.
  14. This is what Remembrance Sunday was like, today, in my local town. 🙁 Hoping it'll be back to it's former glory, next year. When you go home, tell them of us and say, for your tomorrow, we gave our today.
  15. Very sad to hear of the passing, of one of my favourite actors, Geoffrey Palmer. He and Judi Dench were absolutely fantastic, in As Time Goes By.
  16. To me, the Mighty Quinn (not Quim) is a song by Manfred Mann. I actually knew someone called John Thomas, and I've also met someone called Michael Hunt. Parents can be so cruel. 🙂
  17. Never fart in an Apple store. They don't have Windows.
  18. The victims name was Jehovah. Police are looking for witnesses.
  19. A German was peeing in a street in New York, when a lady looks at him and says "Gross". The German says "Danke."
  20. Angela Merkel comes to the UK, to visit Boris Johnson. CUSTOMS OFFICER: "Name?" ANGELA MERKEL: "Angela Merkel." CUSTOMS OFFICER: "Nationality?" ANGELA MERKEL: "German." CUSTOMS OFFICER: "Occupation?" ANGELA MERKEL: "No, just visiting.
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