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Stephen Hawking

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Everything posted by Stephen Hawking

  1. Small Ads. Male horse seeks female horse, for a stable relationship. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I tried Coco Chanel, but it tasted awful, so I've gone back to Horlicks.
  2. Have you seen Kaley on Ellen, talking about buying the Shake Weight?
  3. OK, this is my current, and I'm think final/permanent, wallpaper.
  4. Does that mean Leonard is guilty of bestiality? 😁
  5. Why did Adolf Hitler give up playing golf? Because he spent most of his time in the bunker.
  6. Not a joke in the sense of most of those already posted, but rather an amusing (but true) story. In the days and weeks after Doctor Johnson wrote his dictionary, he was visited by many people, offering their congratulations and thanks for his wonderful achievement. He was also visited by a small group of respectable ladies from London, who thanked him for the effort he put into omitting all the unpleasant and inappropriate words from his dictionary. In response, he thanked the ladies, for the effort they put into searching for them.
  7. The NHS have set up an online service, for people who have broken bones. It's called snapchat.
  8. Previously, Penny thought it was funny, when Leonard had meaningless, one off sex, but when he had it with Dr. "slut bunny" Plimpton, she was upset.
  9. I got my balls caught in a Dyson. Now we're both bagless.
  10. Lifestyle Screening Form. Would you describe yourself as:- a. Very fit. b. Quite fit. c. A bit of a minger.
  11. I've accidentally run over my neighbour's pet, Tiddles. Full details are at compare-the-smeared-cat.com
  12. And Penny wasn't, when she hooked up with Dave Underhill?
  13. Dear Deidre, I have a mole on my penis. How much trouble will I be in, with the RSPCA?
  14. Why would Leonard Nimoy sign a napkin, for someone he has a restraining order against?
  15. Thieves have broken into Battersea Dogs Home, and released all the animals. Police are desperately searching for leads.
  16. Are you a woman, who want bigger lashes? Try showing a bit of ankle, in Saudi Arabia.
  17. But she actually served him. From The Cooper Extraction:- Amy: It’s true. None of you would know me. You wouldn’t know Bernadette. You wouldn’t be dating Penny. Leonard: You don’t know that. I’ve been going to the Cheesecake Factory for years. I could have picked her up. Why would Leonard postulate that he could've picked up Penny, if she didn't work there?
  18. That joke has gone right over my head.
  19. Assuming for a moment that is correct, riddle me this. If Leonard had repeatedly visited the Cheesecake Factory, before the show began, how is it he didn't recognise the waitress who had been serving him all that time, when she moved in across the hall?
  20. Predict the next number in this sequence:- 1966 - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ I've just ordered a copy of the Bible, from Amazon. Underneath, it said "People who enjoyed this book, also enjoyed the Quran and the Torah."
  21. That Leonard peed himself, was how Penny imagined how his attempt to ask her out would go, but that he, Howard and Raj frequented the Cheesecake Factory, was not anyone's idea of what would happen. It was a fact. From The Cooper Extraction:- Amy: It’s true. None of you would know me. You wouldn’t know Bernadette. You wouldn’t be dating Penny. Leonard: You don’t know that. I’ve been going to the Cheesecake Factory for years. I could have picked her up.
  22. In the Hamburger Postulate, Leonard and Sheldon visit the Cheesecake Factory for the first time, but in The Cooper Extraction, Leonard, Howard and Raj have been visiting the Cheesecake Factory for years.
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