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Stephen Hawking

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Everything posted by Stephen Hawking

  1. So why did she have her utilities cut off for non-payment, and have to eat leftovers, at the cheesecake factory? Minimum wage back then, was about 30-35k?
  2. You mean belly button gazing? 😁 He looks like a young Viggo Mortensen.
  3. A life-size Amy Farrah Fowler, to replace the cardboard cutout one, that stands in the corner of my bedroom.
  4. I've got a pair of underpants, with dodgy fly buttons. I call them my nuclear reactor pants. One false move, and Chernobyl Fallout.
  5. Have you noticed how we're living a lot longer nowadays? There's so many people living past 100, the Queen has had to get a Moonpig account, just to keep up.
  6. I think they probably called the Big Bang Theory character Amy, because Mayim is an anagram of I'm Amy.
  7. I was in Glasgow at the weekend, attending the funeral of my old friend Hamish. It was quite an unusual experience, because I'd never met a real Scottish Widow before.
  8. A couple of jokes, based on things that have happened today, while I've been shopping. I went into the Pharmacy to buy a container, to take a urine sample to the doctors next week. They charged me 50p for it. I really think they're taking the piss. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I was waiting in the queue at the till, in Home Bargains, when a youngster in a pram looked at me and said "DADA". Well I sometimes forget my keys, but I think I'd remember that.
  9. Some news, about a criminal who has been impersonating Sting. He's turned himself into the Police. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've just seen a movie, about a man who is outraged by the people observing Ramadan. It's called Fast and Furious.
  10. Scientists call it dark matter but, whatever it is, I've flushed four times, and it still won't go.
  11. I learned about sex by listening to comedians talking about it. I was 25 before I realised that I shouldn't be pleased, that it all ended with the girl laughing.
  12. What do you mean, I can't buy a zombie? This is the body shop, isn't it?
  13. OMG, how gorgeous is this lady?
  14. That toothbrush holder doesn't look like a plexiglass case, with a UV light.
  15. Here I am in Thailand, with a hint of Iraq. I'm in Tie Rack.
  16. As she sadly died in the collision, we will never know why she swerved into the oncoming traffic. Perhaps Vera by name?
  17. My Fairy Godmother once asked me if I'd rather have a long penis or a long memory. I forgot what my answer was.
  18. German sausages are the wurst.
  19. As the OP says about The War being a miniseries, rather than a documentary, I have a similar suggestion. Aside from a few factual and technical inaccuracies, it's a pretty realistic reconstruction of the events of April 1986.
  20. I see Ricki Lake has given up trying to fight her hair loss, and has instead embraced it, by having it cut in a Number 1. Is it just that I have a thing for bald women (Persis Khambatta , Gail Porter etc.), or does anyone else think she looks way hotter now, than she did with all that hair?
  21. Does Jesus save? Let's check the VAR.
  22. Some friends of mine have formed a band, which they've called 999 Megabytes. They haven't had a Gig yet.
  23. Leonard Nimoy's death was referenced in the show.
  24. A man goes to the doctor, worried that he's going deaf. The doctor asks "What are the symptoms?" The patient replies "They're the yellow family who live in Springfield."
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