Kyzzx

7.2 The Deception Verification The episode begins as Sheldon and Penny are walking up the staircase to the 4th floor from the ground floor. Sheldon is striking up conversation with Penny by asking her if she knew that there's a possibility that severe weather patterns can actually disturb the Earth's rotation and actually make days longer. Penny coldly replies, "There must be a huge storm somewhere." Sheldon then points out that if all his groceries are in proper condition, and if all of his eggs and other items are perfect, that would be the last time that Penny got to take him to the grocery store. She's excited about it, but he isn't. He says if one of his things isn't up to snuff, then they can go back to the store for "one last big blowout" before Leonard comes home. They both get to their own apartment doors, and Sheldon says that her attitude will be reflected on her 'report card.' Penny replies, "I didn't go to detention, I'm not gonna look at the report card." He goes into the apartment, and she walks into hers. She walks in, and is looking to her left, and shuts the door. LEONARD IS BEHIND THE DOOR. She freaks out, drops her bag of groceries all over the floor, and is ecstatic to see him! They embrace and she asks why he's home so early. He whispers, "Well, the experiment ended early and I thought I would come back and spend time with you here alone for a few days." Penny says it's really romantic and asks why they're whispering, and Leonard whispers again, "Yeah. Um... that's why I did it. But don't tell Sheldon! Nobody else knows." so she says fine. As this conversation is ending, you hear Sheldon yell, from across the hall and through the door, that three of his eggs seem to be weak, and that Penny needs to grab her keys because they have to go back to the store. At the comic book store a little later, Sheldon is looking at comics as Stuart walks by. Sheldon says, "Hey! Stuart, can you help me find something?" Stuart replies, "Sure, I can! Unless it's hope. Or a reason to live." Sheldon stops for a second, with a blank look on his face, and then says, "Ohhh, you make me laugh, sad clown! Anyway, Leonard will be back soon and I need a gift for him. Considering his time out at sea, I was thinking perhaps something with a nautical theme." Stuart says, "Well, it depends on how much you're willing to spend. I have this really rare Aquaman figurine." He turns around, grabs it off the shelf, and sets it on the counter. Sheldon looks down at it, then up at Stuart. "This is not a gag gift, Stuart!" Stuart replies, "Fine! I should just sell it to a real collector, anyway." "Well, I'M a real collector! How rare IS it?" "Ah, I shouldn't have mentioned it." He moves it back slightly on the counter. "How about a Batman squirt gun?" he says, as he holds up a box with a kid's toy looking squirt gun. Sheldon says, "Nooo, now, don't try to be tricking me into buying me something I don't want! Let's talk Aquaman." Howard and Raj are standing at the other side of the comic book store looking through comics. Howard says, "I don't know if I like them putting Doctor Octopus' brain in Spiderman's body." Raj replies, "Well, I kind of like it. It combines the fun of Spiderman with the body changing shenanigans of Freaky Friday. Versions: both the original and Lohan." Howard mocks Raj with an accent, "Versions BOTH original AND LOHAN? Well then!" "Hey, what's your problem?" Raj says. "Sorry, I've just been really snippy lately. It's probably this stupid diet I'm on..." "Why are you on a diet?" Raj asks. "Eh. I've put on a couple pounds. I had to buy these pants in the MENS section!" Raj sits there for a second and says, "We've seen your mom." Sheldon, at this time, is telling Stuart he's offering him $1200 for the Aquaman figurine and it's his final offer! Stuart sells it to him, and says, "I'm sure Leonard will love it." Sheldon looks surprised, "OH, yes! I need a gift for Leonard." Stuart says, "Would you like to throw in a squirt gun? It's pretttttyyy rare." It then cuts to Penny's apartment, where she and Leonard are sitting on the couch looking at his phone. He's showing her pictures from his expedition. He says, "There's me doing the famous pose from Titanic." "Uh, huh." Penny smiles. He slides his finger to the next picture. "And... that's me getting rescued..." She smiles again. Then there's a knock at the door. "Pizza's here!" Penny exclaims, and Leonard stands up and gives her money out of his wallet while he goes into her bathroom. He mentions a sailor-ish phrase (that I can't remember, I'm sorry!) and Penny's like, "What?" and he says, "That's what us salty sea dogs say when we have to go pee pee." She answers the door, and the pizza delivery guy tells her it's $22.50. She says, "Here's $25, keep the change." He says, "Woah, woah, woah. That's it? I just had to walk up like four flights of stairs!" She looks at him, and then pulls some coins out of the key bowl that sits on the table by her door. "Heeerree issss... 30-something cents... and a guarantee that I'm not going to call your boss and tell him you reek of marijuana." The guy takes the hint and starts to walk away as Sheldon is walking up the staircase holding chinese takeout in a bag. "Oh, Penny! I see you ordered pizza. I have chinese food. Would you like to eat together?" She says, "Ohh, no no, that's fine. I'd rather just really eat alone tonight." Sheldon walks by the pizza guy and says, "Oh, my, that's an earthy cologne." He stands there for a moment and quietly says, "My uncle wore that..." Penny tries to say goodnight and then they both hear her toilet flush. Sheldon asks if she has company and she says, "Ohh, no! The toilet has just been doing that lately. I've already called building maintenance, so it's fine." Sheldon invites himself in and says, "Well, I can take a look at it!" "Oh, there's really no need to, Sheldon, it's fine!" "It's fine, I think I know what I'm doing. I did spend most of 5th grade with my head in a toilet." She says, loudly, so Leonard will also hear, "There's no reason for you to go into the bathroom, Sheldon!" Sheldon looks down at the table at the two glasses of wine that are sitting there and says, "That's curious. If you don't have company then why are there two glasses of wine out?" Penny smiles and says, "Well, I've got two hands and kind of a drinking problem." "Ah. You're right. Silly question." He turns around and notices her trash can. "Interesting. There are takeout boxes in your trash can." "Yeah, that was my dinner from last night - so?" "Sooo. The containers are IN the trash can." "Sheldon, look, I really have just had a long day and just want to have dinner by myself..." "Alright. I can't say I don't enjoy the solitude." He starts to walk out the door and leans back in, "Hey, have you gotten a 'welcome back' gift for Leonard?" "No." "Wanna go halfsies on a $200 squirt gun?" In Howard and Bernie's apartment, Bernadette is in the kitchen and Howard walks in the door. She says, "Hey! I made brownies. Would you like one?" Howard looks at her and says, "You're kidding. You know I'm trying to lose weight! Why would you offer me one of those? I thought we were PARTNERS IN THIS MARRIAGE!" "Sorry..." she says, "You don't need to lose weight." He says, "Well the bathroom scale says something different so one of you is lying!" She says, "Sorry, I'll try not to bring it up. How was dinner at your mom's?" "Awful. I had to rub her ointment on her again." "Why can't she do it herself?" "BECAUSE WE HAVE A DEEPLY UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP." Howard pulls out an empty tube of said ointment and says, "Hey, can you get any samples of these from work? They prescribed it but didn't take into account the square footage of her back." Bernadette takes the tube and looks at the ingredients on the back. She says, "Howard, this is really, really strong estrogen cream. I HOPE you've been wearing gloves." He looks up with wide eyes. "These swollen sausages couldn't fit!" (in reference to his fingers being fat) "Sooo that's why you've been bloated and moody and a pain in the ass!" "But you have estrogen and don't act like that!" "I'm a woman! I've had years of practice riding the dragon!" "Now I feel stupid. And fat." "You still look great to me! Come to the bedroom with me and I'll prove it to you." Howard grabs a pillow and looks up at her, "Sex?! Really?! THAT'S YOUR SOLUTION?" Bernadette sits there and just looks down while Howard clutches to the pillow, looking like he's about to cry. In the L/S apartment, Sheldon is at the kitchen island with Amy, who is holding up different index cards with made up words on them. She says, "You'll be happy to know I've created TWO separate words for spoons! Janko and planko. Planko is for a spoon with food on it. Janko is for a spoon with no food on it." Sheldon is looking the other way, not really paying attention. "Sheldon! You're not paying attention to my made up language." "That's not true!" "Yes it is! Then what does tweepodok mean?" There's a silence. "Um... elephant?" "...lucky guess." "Amy, something happened at Penny's." "What happened at Penny's?" "I think Penny is being unfaithful to Leonard." "Why would you think that?" "Well, given Leonard is on his voyage and the history of Penny's ravenous nether regions..." "I don't think she would cheat on Leonard." "Oh, really? Well one time we were having a staring contest and she clapped really loud to make me blink! There's a thin line between that and sexual infidelity." "That's ridiculous." "Yeah, well, there were chinese takeout containers. In... the trash." Amy looks up and sighs and says, "...poor Leonard." So they both walk over to Penny's apartment door, and Sheldon leans up against it to try to eavesdrop. Amy whispers, "Hear anything?" "...yes. A woman's voice." "...is it Penny?" "No! It's you!" "Oh, now I hear talking and giggling. Oh, now I think I hear kissing!" Sheldon says. Amy whispers loudly, "How would you even know what kissing sounds like?!" "THERE'S KISSING IN STAR TREK, SMARTY PANTS." "Ugh, move over!" Amy puts her ear against the door. "I hear voices... it sounds like Leonard." "That's ridiculous. Why would he come early and spend his time kissing Penny when he could be hanging out with his best buddy?" He waits a moment and says, "I can't. I have to catch her in this act..." and takes out a spare key to Penny's apartment and unlocks the door and barges in yelling "a-ha!" to find Penny and Leonard just sitting on her couch. Penny freaks out and says, "SHELDON. That's not okay! You can't just barge in like that!" "Oh, right!" He leans back, shuts the door, and smacks really loudly three times. "PENNY." "PENNY." "PENNY." Penny and Leonard are both so shocked they're speechless. Sheldon yells through the door, "Are you going to open the door or do I have to barge in and say 'a-ha' again?" He opens the door and Sheldon says, "...Leonard?" "I'm sorry! I got home early and I really just wanted to spend a few days alone with Penny!" Sheldon is offended and that he knows that Leonard constantly finds their friendship a nuisance. Leonard says, "I only say that at least once a month!" Sheldon says, "Okay, Leonard, let's just address the tweepodok in the room." Leonard and Penny look very confused, and Leonard says, "Um... what?" Sheldon replies, "It's high time you admit you don't like me any more." "That's not true." "No, no. You find me finnicky and pedantic." Penny intervenes, "No, he doesn't!" Leonard looks over at her and says, "I've actually said that before. With those words. In that order." Sheldon says, "Penny, I just... we had such a nice time together! We went shopping and I let you use my rewards card to pay for your feminine hygiene products! Do you know what kind of coupons I'm going to get in the mail now?!" Leonard walks around to the table and tells Sheldon that he's got him a gift and hands him a bag. Sheldon pulls a sailors' cap out of it and asks Leonard if he really thinks he can buy back his friendship. "No. I don't. I honestly don't." he says. "Just try it on..." So Sheldon puts on the cap, and Leonard and Penny both say, "Ooooh, yeah!" and Amy stands up slowly and says, "Hellloooooo, sailor!" Sheldon, still looking mad, says, "Be right back." and struts off to Penny's bathroom to look at himself. He walks back and says, "THIS CHANGES NOTHING. ...except my Halloween costume for this year." and walks out. He quickly turns around and says, "Amy! You're going to be Olive Oyl. Lay off the donuts!" and walks off. Back in the Howard/Bernadette apartment, Howard is in the livingroom when Raj knocks on the door. Howard thanks him for showing up and Raj says it's not a problem. Howard has made small sandwiches and put them out on the table and says there's a brie in the oven. Raj sits down and asks what's up. Howard tells him that he's been looking up the side effects of estrogen and says, "I'm going to need you to be honest with me..." He pulls up his shirt. "Do my boobs look bigger?" Raj just sits there. "Um... I, I don't know." "It's a yes or no question, Raj!" "Well, I mean.... it's hard to tell. I'm not sure. Maybe jump up and down." Howard jumps up and down for like 15 seconds while Raj stares at him. I still can't tell... how about, gimme some of this?" and Raj himself jiggles his upper body back and forth very quickly. "Mine do the same thing." he says. Howard copies what he does and Raj says, "Hm. It looks like they could be bigger." and he goes to grope Howard's chest and Howard says, "Ahhh! Stop, they're sensitive." Raj says, "Oh. Sorry." and blows warm air on his hands and then grabs his chest, then grabs his own chest with his other hand to compare how they feel. Howard does the same, so now they both have a hand on their own chest and the other's chest. At this point, Bernadette walks out from the hallway in the back and is just staring at them in disbelief. They do not know she's standing there. Raj says, "Hm. They could be." Howard says, "Nooo, I'm definitely up a cup size." Raj replies, "But they are firm! So you've got that going for you." "You think so?" "Yeah, you're very perky!" "Thank you," Howard says lovingly. "I needed to hear that today." Bernadette turns her ass around and walks back into the hallway, LOL. The next morning in the L/S apartment, Leonard says 'good morning' to Sheldon and Sheldon says hello. Leonard asks if he's driving him and Sheldon replies, "I would like a ride. Assuming you're actually going to take me to work." Leonard asks what he means, and Sheldon goes into this elaborate reasoning of how he can't trust him since he came back from his expedition early and didn't tell him. Leonard says, "I'm going to work. You can come." and starts to leave with him. As Leonard is about to make it out the door, Sheldon says, "You have something on your shirt." Leonard looks down, confused, "No... I don't." "Hurts, doesn't it?" They start walking down the staircase and Sheldon says, "I'm beginning to wonder if anything you've ever told me is true." Leonard mutters, "Oh, god, the ship sank... and I'm in hell." "I mean, you say you're from New Jersey. How do I know?" "Who would anyone claim they're from New Jersey?" "...you have a point." "Sheldon, I said I'm sorry, what else do you want?!" "Admit you were wrong." "Okay. I admit it. I was wrong. It was wrong!" "...I wish I could believe you!" They make it down to the lobby, and Leonard says, "I'm not driving you! You're annoying!" "You don't mean what you say! You want to give me a ride and find me a delight!" Sheldon spits back. "Knock it off!" "Keep it up!" "Goodbye!" "HELLO!" Leonard walks out the doors and toward his car. Sheldon stays by the door and yells, "I'M ASSUMING YOU'RE MEANING TO HOLD UP THE FOUR OTHER FINGERS?!" Back upstairs, Penny is leaving for work and is in her Cheesecake Factory costume. Amy walks up the stairs as well. Penny says, "Why are you here so early?" "Driving Sheldon to work." "Oh, is he still mad at Leonard?" "Yeah, he's mad at you, too. He says you're the succubus that lead his friend astray." "...I don't know what succubus is. It has suck in it. ...that can't be good." Sheldon walks out the door and Penny says, "Hi Sheldon!" He looks at her. "You don't get a 'hey.' You get a 'hrrrmmm.'" Amy interrupts him and says, "Sheldon, stop it! Your fight is with Leonard, not with Penny, and-" He cuts her off and says, "Be careful, Amy! The friend of my friend's girlfriend is also my enemy." "I'm your enemy?" she says. "Yes. You're either with me or against me." "Do you WANT to take the bus?" "...maybe there's a third option." They all start to walk down the staircase in silence, and Amy says, "I also had a donut for breakfast, you jerk." Later on, in the cafeteria at the university, Sheldon starts to sit down at the table where Raj, Howard, and Sheldon are already sitting. Leonard says, "The data from the ship is getting crunched right now but it looks pretty good!" Howard says, "That's wonderful! If you can prove that there's [some kind of] radiation, then-" he stops and looks at Raj, who is staring, "HEY. MY EYES ARE UP HERE!" Sheldon sits and says, "Howard. Raj. Judas." as he pulls up cookies from his plate. "I have cookies. One for you... one for you... and for you, Leonard, I have two renegade peas that were in my tater tots." "You know what, I'm done. I can't take any more of your stupid face!" Leonard says as he stands up to leave. Sheldon says, "Well if you wanted to stop seeing stupid faces you better not look in the mirror! Or... a commission of an oil portrait of yourself..." Howard says, "Guys, guys! Stop this! You guys are not just friends. You're BEST friends. And that's a beautiful thing." Howard starts getting choked up and crying. "Leonard, do you realize this man is mad at you because he MISSED you? Sheldon, you should be happy that he has love in his life, as I do mine." Howard then points to Raj, "This man helped me with my breasts." The entire cafeteria turns around and looks at him. Raj says, "You're a little loud, dude..." Howard finishes, "The point is, can't we just all sit here and be glad that we're together?" They both quietly agree and sit in silence for a moment before Raj announces, "It wasn't anything weird! It was just to see how big they were." Then it cuts back to the L/S apartment and everyone is present. Penny says, "I'm so glad you guys are friends again." Sheldon looks up at Penny and says, "Oh, Penny. I have this for you." and he hands her a coupon. She reads it out loud. "$.50 off Vagisil..." "Yes." Sheldon says, "Think of me when you apply it." Everyone looks up awkwardly. Raj changes the subject, "I'm just glad we're all here hanging out together again." Everyone nods, and Leonard realizes something and asks, "Wait, since when can Koothrappali talk to women without a beer?!" Bernadette says, "Oh! While you were gone. It happened right after you left." Leonard looks at her, upset, "How come nobody told me?!" Howard starts to tear up and says, "I can't believe we forgot to tell him!" Penny casually leans over, and hands him the coupon. "Here, Howard." He just looks at her. "Think of Sheldon when you apply it." and she winks. Ennnnnnnd scene.

Hello! So, I'm typing up the report now. I asked Tripper and I have permission to post this both here and in the S7 Taping thread, fyi, just in case anyone says 'you should have posted that there or there' - I already asked! Anyway, allow me to type away!

Thank you for the welcome back, Chow! We're going to have a blast. It's been too long!

Oh my god, that picture is sooooo cute!

Omg, lol. I met Kate the other night at the taping and she was soooo sweet. This makes it cuter.

I love what they've done with Leonard. I love so many things about the season but they've done something to his character to nearly make him my favorite. <3 The scene with him with the junior high kids in the classroom was comedy gold. Oh my god.

I voted for both Leonard and Amy. I think Amy, given the chance, could be a good person as well. Leonard seems to work better under that kind of pressure. Leonard's got that we-need-to-go-to-the-hospital thing happening, but is also calm and supportive. Haha.

I think Raj's relationship with Lucy will make me happy if they have to make him work for it, and they currently are. They're placing him with someone who is, let's face it, just as broken (if not more) than he is, and he's going to have to work to gain her trust and he's going to have to be so patient until she's comfortable with him. She didn't even kiss him in the library, although she wanted to. So now he has to deal with a relationship moving slowly in that way.

I like most of these. I think something that was mentioned at Paley Fest (if I can even remember) is that we are obviously LONG overdue for seeing any relatives. Even Raj's parents have not made an appearance in a looooong time. We need some family matters.

I thought the whole thing could have been better. No one really answered that many questions, especially when fans were asking pretty good questions and they were just kinda like, "That's a good question." and no one would say anything. Monique and I met Steve Molaro after the show and he was sooooo nice. Definitely has a Leonard vibe to him. Jim Reynolds and Steve Holland were also super nice.

It's not her voice, it's just her. No me gusta.

I liked Amy's but I'm voting for Leonard. Barely.

I fall in love with Mayim more every week.

I believe Monique posted that a few pages back. Yes! They showed it. I will tell you and be the first to admit I seem like a grouch when I'm watching television because I do NOT laugh out loud. Hardly ever, even if I think something is funny. I laughed so much at The Contractual Obligation. It's just hilarious. It actually has my favorite Leonard scene OF ALL TIME (when he's talking to the middle school kids, omg, Johnny does such a great job). Then Howard at the end when he's making his way across the room to Bernadette... LOL.

I got lucky! Power wasn't out for much longer. 6.19 The Closet Reconfiguration The episode open's up with Howard and Bernadette in their walk-in closet in their place, which is cluttered with clothes, shoes, photos, paper, everything you can think of. It looks horrible. Bernadette looks at Howard who's leaning over and picking up a shirt and shoes from the floor. "Whatcha dooooing?" she asks, and he says, "Cleaning up!" and he chucks the clothes he's holding onto the already huge pile in the closet. "You can't just throw everything in the closet." she says. "Hey," Howard replies, "You can tell me what to do and how to do it, but not both at the same time. This isn't sex." "We're having people over for dinner," she whines, "What if they see it? What if they're looking for the bathroom and walk in there?" "No one's going to go into the closet." "I guess you're right, but tomorrow we need to get this straightened out." Howard thinks for a moment and says, "We could just let Sheldon see it." "Why?" she asks curiously. He says, "Have you seen that apartment? Labels on everything. Even the label maker has a label on it that says 'label maker.' And if you look really closely on that label, there will be a really small label that says 'label.'" She says, "Oh! We can't ask him to do that. That would be rude." and Howard says, "You don't have to! Just show it to him and let the little goblins in his head take care of the rest of it." Later that night, Howard and Bernadette are waiting for everyone to arrive, excluding Raj who arrived early and is already on the couch. Howard opens the door and the rest of them walk in and Penny immediately says, "Mmm, smells good!" Bernadette says thanks and says hi to Sheldon then says, "Sheldon, I know you usually eat thai food so I went to the store and got all the correct ingredients then made it from scratch!" He says, "Aw, you shouldn't have." and she says, "No! It was my pleasure!" and he says again, "No, you really shouldn't have. I brought my own." as he holds up a bag with his thai food takeout boxes in it. She stands there in disbelief for a second and looks at Leonard, "You got him takeout food?!" and Leonard kinda looks down and says, "I didn't have a choice - he wouldn't stop kicking the back of my seat..." She says, "Sheldon, I've been cooking all day." and he looks at her for a second then says, "Aw... well, now don't you feel silly?" and he goes to sit down while she has this flabbergasted look on her face, and turns to Howard and aggressively whispers, "Show him the closet!" Later, when they're all sitting down at the dinner table (minus Sheldon), Raj says, "Bernadette, the spring rolls are amazing." and she replies, "That's the takeout." and he looks at her and says, "Oh..." Then there's a long pause before he says, "It wouldn't have tasted so good if I hadn't had your food first." and everyone at the table realizes what he said, and then he scrunches his face like he's thinking really hard about what he just said. Bernadette looks down at her plate and keeps eating. Sheldon walks out from the closet door on the other side of the common area, holding one of Howard's shirts on a hanger. "Howard, do you want your shirts organized seasonally or by color?" There's a silence. "Um, by color." and Sheldon quickly replies, "Ummm, no, they're going to be organized seasonally." and walks away. Then everyone kind of makes a comment about how the closet is gonna look really good and Amy says, "That's just what he does. Last week he spent an entire hour organizing the cheese section at the supermarket." then she says something like, "That's a likeable trait." and there's a long silence yet again and she says, "Please someone agree with me!" After they're done eating, Sheldon is seen sitting on the floor of the newly organized closet which looks GREAT. Leonard says it's time to go and Sheldon says, "Ooooh, five more minutes!" Leonard mentions how late it is and Sheldon squeals, "How come I never get to do anything I wanna do!?" Howard says to Leonard, "Well, you can let him stay and finish, I'll drive him home." and Sheldon looks up at Leonard and says, "PLEEEASSE? He said it's okay!" in a child-like manner. Leonard says, "You do realize, it's, like-" and he looks at his watch for a split second and looks up again, "Wait. I can go home without you? BYE!" and he turns around and leaves. Sheldon holds up three bowling pins and says, "Howard, I have a question. Are these bowling pins for juggling or are they from a set in which you're missing seven?" Howard says they're for juggling and Sheldon puts them on an appropriate shelf. Bernadette walks in and says, "Oh, wow, it's beautiful!" and she looks over and sees the pins, "And I see you found the juggling pins I hate..." Sheldon stands up and picks up an envelope on a box and says, "Howard, I also found this letter from your dad and upon reading it I found-" In the middle of his sentence, Howard snatches the envelope from him and says, "You read it?!" "Well, I had to find out if it was personal correspondence or memorabilia, so I could know where to put it-" "WELLLLLL I could not be less interested!" Howard spits. Bernadette asks him if he wanted to open it and Howard replies that if he wanted to, he would have years ago. "Let's go." he says. Sheldon holds up a little container and says, "Can I bring this box of extra shirt buttons to sort on the ride home?" Howard stares blankly. "Sure. Whatever you want to do." They leave. Sheldon turns around quickly and says, "Great party!" to Bernadette. Back in the guys' apartment building, Leonard and Penny are walking up the 3rd flight of stairs. Leonard says, "You know, when I first met Howard, he would pull his scrotum out of his shorts and say, 'OOOHHH! I sat in GUM!'" Penny has a shocked and 'wtf' look on her face and says, "What's your point?" "Well, I don't know. He's just so grown up now. He's married, and throwing dinner parties..." "Really? You couldn't just say that? You HAD to tell the scrotum story?" "...tryin' to paint a picture." Still walking up the stairs, Penny says, "It was a nice change of pace. Not eating takeout food around a coffee table." "Yeah, we could throw one of our own dinner parties and dress up." She says, "When you say 'dress up' you mean just dress nice, and not capes, tights, and crap, right?" as she's unlocking her door. [On the first take he says, "We should make that clear in the e-invite."] [On the second take he says, "Well..." and Penny yells, "NO!"] <--- lol. At Bernadette and Howard's, it's late and Howard is sitting at the kitchen island thing and looks really tired. Bernadette asks him if he's okay and he says he can't sleep. She says, "You shouldn't have the espresso after dinner. I know the little cups make you feel big, but it's not worth it." "No, it's this stupid letter." he says, holding it up. "Did you read it?" "No." "You must be curious..." she says. "I am! I haven't seen the man since I was a child and then I mysteriously get this letter on my 18th birthday." "Maybe he apologizes or explains why he left." Howard says firmly, "He abandoned me and my mother. Why does he deserve a chance to explain himself?" He stands up. She says, "What are you going to do?" "What I should have done a long time ago." He walks over to the stove with the letter, turns on the stove, and lights the corner on fire. She asks him if he's sure and he says yes. He then drops it into the sink and lets it just catch fire. She says, "Feel better?" "Yes..." They stand there, her arm around him, and then the smoke detector goes off. They both look up, and Howard says, "Great. Neither of us are tall enough to reach that." In Penny's apartment (I'm assuming the next day- it must be Saturday because Sheldon is doing laundry when this is happening), Penny, Amy, and Bernadette are talking about the letter. Amy says, "I can't believe he set it on fire." Bernadette says, "It freaks him out. He was already having a tough day because he accidentally wore my pants to work... I don't know why he was upset - they were bigger on him than on me. So I guess we'll never know." Amy says, "Well, we could ask Sheldon." Bernadette says, "I don't know, I can't ask him that. What kind of wife would I be if I invaded my husband's privacy like that?" Penny says, "What if I ask Sheldon and you just happen to be in the room?" "That works!" Downstairs in the laundry room [which we haven't seen in a while!] Sheldon has gloves on and is removing the lint catcher from the dryer. He walks over to the trash can, empties it, shudders at how gross it is, and puts it back. "It's like I'm emptying the entire building's belly button." The girls walk in and Penny says, "Hi, Sheldon." and he says, "What can I do for you?" Amy says, "You have something we want!" He says, "Oh, dear." He turns around, "My mother warned me about this happening in the big city." "We just want information," Penny says. "Oh! Well, I've got that in spades. Ravage me." "You read Howard's letter, yes?" "Yes." "What did it say?" "I can't tell you that! I'm bound by closet organizer-organizee confidentiality. That information is owned by Howard." Penny mentions that it was in Bernadette's closet and if that stands for something. He crosses his arms. "Are you pointing out that California is a communal property state? That since they're married the law dictates that the information is actually owned by both spouses?" Penny looks entirely too confused and quietly says, "Yeah. Obviously..." "...well played. Sometimes I don't give you enough credit, Penny." In Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, Raj is sitting on the couch and Leonard is sitting in his chair. Raj is looking through a binder and says, "Dude, you did the right thing by letting me help plan this party." Leonard replies, "Actually, all I did was invite you." Raj says, "I'm gonna make sure that your dinner party kicks Howard's dinner party's ass. How about this theme, turn of the century Moulin Rouge?" "I think you need a testosterone patch, but I was just thinking something low-key. Like cocktails and jazz music." "So, basically a re-run of Mad Men and crab puffs from Trader Joe's?" [On the second take he says, "So, you're going for a theme of 'boring party cliches'? I thought you were saving that for your wedding.] <--- LOL, BURN! Sheldon walks in holding his laundry basket. Leonard says, "Where have you been?" and Sheldon replies, "Oh, Leonard... if I was prone to sarcasm, I'd say I was pulling off a major heist at the museum of laundry baskets." Leonard is angry and counts to 10 to himself and takes a breath. "What I meant was, 'GEE, SHELDON! You were gone a LOOONG time!'" "I was actually trapped by Penny and forced into reveleaing confidential information about Howard's father." "What information?" Leonard asks. "I can't tell you, I'm bound by closet organizer-organizee confidentiality." "Just tell us." Raj says. "Badgering me won't work. What WOULD work is saying Penny would tell us anyway." "Then that." Leonard says. "Very well!" Sheldon sits down. "Everyone's on their game today." The next day, the dinner party is underway at the L/S apartment. Everyone is present except Howard and Bernadette. KALEY LOOKED SO HOT, OH MY GOD. The dress she is wearing. Yowza! I could not take my eyes off her! I felt like a perv. Hoooooolllyyyyy CRAP! I mean, everyone looked good, but, you guys. Oh my god. Back to the report, sorry. Amy says, "This is really fun." and Raj says, "It's nice to dress up once in a while." Penny says, "The hors d'oeuvres are amazing." to which Leonard toasts, "As is the company!" Sheldon dully says, "My shirt is itchy and I wish I were dead." (lmao) Leonard says, "Howard is almost here. Please don't anyone mention the letter." Sheldon says, "Ugh. Then can we turn the latin orgy music off?" Howard and Bernadette are walking up the stairs and he says, "I can't believe we still have to walk up all these flights of stairs." She says, "Yeah, try doin' it in heels!" He says, "I am!" and shows his shoes that have small 2inch 'heels' or something. She looks at him before he opens the door to the apartment and says, "I have to tell you something. I know what's in your dad's letter." He looks at her, says nothing, but you can see the anger brewing inside him. (Simon does an absolutely fantastic job, I just wanna say. He can totally be a serious actor when he needs to.) He opens the door and yells, "SHELDON, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU." It's extremely powerful. (I wouldn't want him yelling at me, yikes." Sheldon quickly pulls Amy's body in front of him. Bernadette quickly says, "No! I made him tell us!" "US? Who else knows?!" Penny says, "I know." Leonard says, "I know." Raj says, "Shame on you!" Leonard whispers, "You know too!" [On the first take, Raj says, "SHHH! Snitches get stitches!"] [On the second take, Raj says, "Oh, sure! Don't even let him have one friend.] <--- lol! Howard asks, "So... everyone knows what's in that letter except for me?" Sheldon exclaims, "Yes! 6 against 1! Stand down, sir!" Bernadette says, "Don't you wanna know what's in it?" "NO! Well, yes... yeah, but I don't think I... I... I have to go." He sets down the bottle of wine he's holding and leaves the apartment. Amy turns around and looks at Sheldon, "YOU USED ME AS A HUMAN SHIELD?!" "I panicked! ...he looked taller than usual." Howard's at home in his closet, sitting on the floor. Bernadette walks in. She says she's sorry and he says he's sorry for running out like that. She tells him it's okay and that she has a surprise for him and walks out. He follows after her and is casually talking. "You know, I'm REALLY not in the mood to have sex. I mean if you need it that bad, I'll just lay there for you, but-" and he walks into the living room where Leonard, Sheldon, Raj, Penny, and Amy are sitting. He blinks and they all just stare for an awkward moment. Sheldon goes into this long speech about how if he 'neither knows or doesn't know' what the letter said, he'll be more at east. So they proposed that they would each tell him one statement about what was in the letter. One statement would be true, five would not. Howard sits down and listens. Raj starts by saying it's a birthday card that says, 'Howard, happy 18th birthday. I love you.' Sheldon says there's a pirate and basically recites the plot to The Goonies, which Howard immediately notices. Amy says that it was a letter saying sorry and that his father had a different life separate to the one with his family, and that it got too dangerous, and he had to leave to keep them safe. Penny was next, saying that it was a letter saying that he was in the auditorium at his high school graduation, and that he cried because he was so proud of him. [i can't remember Leonard's! I'm going to try so hard tonight to remember... augh.] Bernadette said it was a photo of his dad holding him right after he was born and on the back of the photo it said, 'Howard, my son. My greatest gift.' Sheldon asked him to choose one and he said, "I can't. I want them all to be true..." Leonard confidently says, "Well, one of them are." Howard feels a lot better and thanks them. Penny says they should get back to the party and have a nice time. As they're all walking out the door, Sheldon says, "You know, your dad's letter wasn't the most interesting thing I read in the closet. Bernadette's diary had some saucy passages." Bernie and Howard are staring at him like, 'oh no, you didn't.' She says, "SHELDON, don't you DARE!" He says, "Noo, no. Your secret's safe with me!" and then he gets in Howard's face and says, "Although copyright laws would dictate I would be able to quote passages for the sake of a review." and storms out. In the L/S apartment, only Bernadette and Howard are dancing with each other. She says she's glad he feels better, and he says, "Yeah, me too. Although if I knew we were dancing, I would have worn my flats!" Penny is holding Leonard's hand, "So, this turned out pretty well, huh?" Raj says, "I agree. If you haven't been to a horrible party before." Amy looks over at him, ever so matter-of-factly, and says, "If you let me pierce your brain with a hot needle in just the right place, you would be happy all the time." Sheldon walks in from the hallway, and you can tell he was cleaning Penny's closet. He's holding a reusable bag. He says, "Penny, I've found some things in your closet. For one, I found this dead turtle." He pulls out this tiny container with a tiiiiny turtle in it. "Ohhh." she says, "I did have that turtle. I'm not crazy." "Should I throw it away?" "No, I love that little guy!" "Annnnd I also found this battery powered hot dog..." and he's reaching in the bag to start pulling it out when Penny freaks. She jumps up SO quickly from the chair (lol) and says, "Party's over!" and pushes Sheldon out the door. [On the second take, instead of a dead turtle, it's a dead goldfish. Penny instead says, "Ohhh, I forgot to feed him. ...and that I even had him."] ---- end!