Hey guys, I went to the taping today!!! It was so surreal to see the actors live on stage.... Anyways I intended to do a proper detailed taping report but I lost my pen in the beginning of the taping itself so I'm relying on memory therefore this will not be that detailed. All dialogue over here is basically paraphrased. And also, I might screw up/omit some of the details (regarding like the scientific jokes). Dana and happykitty, feel free to proofread this. Everyone else, cut me some slack and don't get mad! To other taping reporters, my respect for you guys has increased so much you have no idea!!!
THE RELATIONSHIP DIREMPTION
Story by: Molaro, Prady, Jim Reynolds
Teleplay by: Lorre, Holland, Kaplan
SCENE 1 - At the cafeteria
So all four of the guys are sitting on the cafeteria table, Leonard and Raj basically discuss how excited they are about the new big bang theory that is in the news. Raj basically mentions how he feels like a rockstar as a astrophysicist on hearing the news, and Howard corrects him saying "rockstar without the SEX, you mean". Anyways moving on, Leonard asks Sheldon what he thinks about the discovery to which Sheldon just responds "meh". Raj is indignant at this remark and asks Sheldon whether he is serious, as this is one of the biggest scientific discoveries of their times. Sheldon says that he finds the discovery elitist, because the theory does not do much to help the common man with a 6-pack on the street. Leonard points out to Sheldon that he is jealous. Sheldon scoffs at this, while Leonard points out how he's jealous because this scientist got the origin of the universe proven while Sheldon has been working on string theory for the past 20 years with nothing to show. Sheldon remarks that he has not made much progress because he has a lot on his plate as it's a golden age of television. Kripke butts in saying that he couldn't help but overhearing the guys talk. He says he heard some string theory news on the hadron collider recently... Sheldon gets excited about this and says "does it provide evidence supports that blah blah blah?" Kripke then jokes about how it provides evidence that Sheldon will believe in anything. Sheldon is saddened by this and he remarks to Kripke that he thought Kripke well to which Kripke says he is a "string pragmatist". Kripke leaves, Sheldon is very disheartened and asks the guys whether he is wasting his life on a theory that cannot be proven. The guys basically give each other an awkward look, not knowing what to say before Howard butts out saying "Hey, atleast you've got game of thrones!!!"
SCENE 2 - At L/S's apartment
Sheldon is sitting on the couch, depressed and absent-mindedly flipping pages on a book. Penny comes in from Leonard's room and she remarks that he is up early. Sheldon mention that he's up early because he couldn't get any sleep, Penny cracks a joke and says "I told you not to get the walking dead pillow-cases!!!" Sheldon says that's not the reason he could not get sleep. Penny then asks him what's the real reason.... (((And now I'm going to switch to dialogue mode cause it will be easier to transcribe this scene)))
S: I would tell you but you wouldn't understand!
P: Try me!!!
S: I've wasted 20 years of my life trying to prove string theory and I have nothing to show for it and I feel like a fool!
P: I get it except for the jibber-jabber in the middle
S: Do you get it because of your acting career?
S: Is it because of your relationship with Leonard?
S: Is it because of your failed attempt to go back to college?
P (getting exasperated): No
S: Then what is it?
P: You and string theory are like a relationship and I know what it is like to be in a relationship and not have it turn out to be the way you want it to
S: I already mentioned Leonard, but you said No.
P: I meant other dudes
S: So what do you do?
P: Sometimes you just need to move on and break up with that person, shake hands and walk away. Moving on makes you a grown up.
At this point Leonard walks in blowing his nose embarrasingly loudly and asking S/P if they have seen his "good inhaler" to which Sheldon has two responses to Penny. In the first cut, Sheldon tells Penny to break up, shake hands and walk away. In the second cut, Sheldon goes"I already mentioned Leonard but you said No"
SCENE 3 - At the cafeteria
Leonard, Raj and Howard are sitting at the cafeteria. Leonard asks Raj about how it's like to date 2 women at the same time. Raj mentions that there are some bumps on the road. Howard asks him to elaborate. Raj says he had told Emily all about Lucy and she was totally cool with that, so he thought Lucy would similarly respond well to him telling her about Emilyl, however Lucy had a mixed response and when Raj mentioned how amazing and awesome Emily was for being cool with him dating other girls, Lucy's mixed response turned into a unfavorable response. Leonard sarcastically remarks "Women, you can never tell what sets them off" Raj agrees but says that it's good because now he can just focus on dating one woman. Howard then interjects saying that he wants to meet Emily ASAP. Raj is like "why ASAP?" And Howard responds saying that because he thinks Raj will screw it up with Emily quickly, Raj gets annoyed at that and says he's confident that the relationship will last. Howard disagrees but think it's so cute that he tries or summat. Anyways Sheldon enters at this point and asks the guys if they want any of his string theory textbooks. The guys are puzzled at this and ask him why he is giving the textbooks away. Sheldon says that Penny pointed out how the struggle he is facing over his career is like going through a breakup. And according to Cosmopolitan, it's good to get rid of things that remind you of that person after the breakup. One of the gang members remark "YOU READ COSMO???" Sheldon interjects that yes he does because they have advice on how to get over a breakup in every issue and actually the advice was to burn the books but that would feel too much like church-picnics in East Texas. The scene ends with Sheldon saying that he cannot stay in this dysfunctional relationship and that he has to move on because he has needs too, and then he walks off crying.
SCENE 4 - At Raj's apartment
Both Raj and Howard are playing video-games when Raj asks Howard not to screw up their double-date (essentially at some point between the two scenes, Raj and Howard decided to go on a double-date with Bernadette and Emily). Anyways Howard's like "screw up what? things with your imaginary girlfriend?" And Raj mentions that he means jokes like that and that the girlfriend is real. Raj then adds how Howard shouldn't talk about how attached Raj is to his dog and also Raj's interest in ballet. Howard interjects, surprised, "YOU DID BALLET?", Raj responds "wow you never listen, do you?"
SCENE 5 - At L/S's apartment
The trio of L/P/S are at the apt. Sheldon is sitting on a chair by the island with Penny behind fiddling with his hair. Leonard asks him what he's doing. Sheldon says that's getting a haircut because Cosmo suggests getting a new look after the breakup. Then Penny asks him how he wants his hair to be done. Sheldon says he wants a combination of Bill Gates and Tesla hair. Penny is confused and asks him whether she can just style it, and Sheldon's all "w/e, do your thing". Penny then basically styles his hair, Sheldon takes a look at himself in the mirror and basically says Penny has no idea of how bill gates and tesla's hair looks like. At this point, both LP interject saying how good his hair looks, Sheldon gets mollified and starts to agree with them saying that the new hairstyle makes him look like he's from a science rock-band, except in that rock-band he's both the dreamy and the smart one. Amy enters the apartment at this point, checks out Sheldon and asks Penny horrified "What have you done???" Penny is confused at what she has done wrong and says she just styled Sheldon's hair and doesn't Amy like it? Amy says that is the problem, she thinks the new haircut is too cute and it will turn Sheldon into a chick magnet, Sheldon agrees saying that the new haircut makes him look too hot.
SCENE 6 - At random restaurant
So H/B are sitting next to each other at a table at a fancy restaurant waiting for Raj/Emily to show up for their double date. Howard mentions how he's really worried for Raj cause he always screws up dates. Raj and Emily enter the restaurant and Howard realizes he already knows Emily from the past and he's anxious now because he had a bad incident with her. He tells Bernadette to just remember he loves her (bernadette) regardless of whatever he did 4 years back. Emily and Raj sit opposite h/b, emily remarks saying she recognizes Howard from somewhere. Howard tries to misguide her and says he can't imagine where they could have met and that she is just a stranger to him. Emily then goes "oh are you the guy at the spinning class on green street?" Howard grabs onto this line of thought as a lifeline and misleads her into believing he's the guy from her spinning class. Raj is surprised that Howard does spinning and asks him about it, Howard responds "wow you never listen, do you?"
SCENE 7 - At L/S's apartment
S/P/A/L are all the apartment. Sheldon is going through a bookcase while the rest of them are sitting on the couch at their usual spots eating food. Amy reminds Sheldon that his food is getting cold. Sheldon says that he is looking for a new field to adopt after breaking up with string theory. At this point, Sheldon notices some geology books in his bookcase and asks Penny whether she sneaked them in from a kids birthday party. Penny disagrees. Dialogue mode time (all paraphrased):
S: Do you know how you say Karadashians are not really celebrities?
S: Basically Geology is Kardashian of Science
L: Hey Sheldon, why do you not work on standard mom physics?
S: Going from string theory to standard physics would be degrading or going backwards. It would be like you going from dating Penny to a creature less advanced like a brown bear.
P: Like you(Leonard) can find a bear.
L: Hey I have a good job, I can buy salmon!!! (Penny laughs at this, I think)
A: ((Basically recommonds some impressive-sounding scientific field in Physics)). We got 3 different responses from this one:
S: CUT 1: That would be too jocky for me.
CUT 2: That would be too kiddish for me.
CUT 3: ((Something about how if he wanted to get attention he'd get a tramp stamp)) --> incidentally this take got the most laughs followed by cut 1
L: Why don't you pursue Quantum Loop Gravity?
S: Oh Duchess, why do you drive me crazy??? (basically something dramatic to suggest how ridiculous L's idea is)
P to L: Who is the duchess???
L to P: Someone S made up in his head.
A to LP: Wow, I hope he's this distraught over our breakup.
L: If he is, I'd get him a bear-friend.
P to S: Sheldon, why don't you just relax and let new ideas come to you???
S: That's not a bad idea. It's how I discovered String theory... ((Now Sheldon goes to sit next to Amy on his spot))
A to S: How?
S: The bullies at school hit me with the largest book they could find.
P: Let's toast your moving on!
S: Normally I wouldn't do toast, but today I feel the occasion is right to have grape juice filtered by fungus (or summat).
P (sarcastically): Gee I wonder why kids at your school hit you with books!!!
SCENE 8 - At the restaurant
So basically H/B are on a double date with R/E. Anyways, so Bernadette asks Emily what she does for a living and she says she's a dermatologist to which Raj goes "Guess who is going to have soft skin for LIFE???" while pointing at himself. Then Emily asks Howard about what he does and he boasts about how he's a great astronaut... somewhere in the middle of this speech Emily recognizes Howard and exclams this. Howard pleads with her to not tell Raj or Bernadette what happened between them in the past but as Emily continues talking about him, Howard decides to spill the beans himself. Basically 4 years back Howard had gone to meet Emily at her apartment after being set up for a blind date. He felt his stomach was queasy as he was going to her apartment but ignored it. Once he reached her place, he asked to use the bathroom and he finished all the toilet-paper and 20 minutes later he was so embarrassed he ended up escaping from the toilet window. Emily points out that Howard was basically responsible for her not getting her security deposit back. Howard says that he did not know what to do, the bathroom was clogged, she didn't have a plunger and the more he tried to unclog it the worse it got, and water overflowed. Emily is like "just water overflowed???" At this Howard appears a little ashamed and sincerely apologizes for his actions. Emily laughs and says she forgives him because that incident gave her an interesting and funny story to tell her friends, and infact after that incident they dubbed him as "Clogzilla". To this Raj starts laughing like crazy!!!
SCENE 9 - At L/S's apartment!
Sheldon and Amy are basically walking to Sheldon's room. Sheldon has an arm around her on her shoulder and Amy's hand is at Sheldon's back as they are walking, Amy is basically supporting a drunk Sheldon to his room. DIALOGUE MODE TIME
Amy: Wow you are drunk!
Sheldon: I drank less than Penny did.
Amy: That's the point!
BACK TO PARAGRAPH MODE
So S/A reach his bedroom door. Amy's like "let's go in" but Sheldon tells her to wait and starts knocking on the door saying "Empty room *Knock* *Knock* *Knock*" x 3. At the end of it Sheldon mentions he would be really creeped out if someone responded to his knocks on the other side of the room. Amy is exasperated but she opens the door and they both go into the bedroom.
SCENE 10 - At the restaurant
H/B/R/E are on their double-date. Bernadette asks Emily why she wants to be a dermatologist and she says that it's because she likes cutting people and she can't do that legally in other fields to which Raj remarks how she's scary but GOOD-scary. Howard at this point interjects telling everyone to stop talking about him and that it was an embarrassing but human incident and they should just move on. Bernadette tries to reassure Howard saying they were not talking about him and Howard is mollified. However, Raj and Emily start teasing Howard with shit jokes, Howard is really riled up and again Bernadette tries to calm him down, to which Howard is all "what's the problem? It's not like cotton-candy comes out of you!!!"
SCENE 11 - Sheldon's bedroom
The scene opens the next morning with Sheldon, shirtless, waking up on his bed in the morning. You get the sense that Sheldon has done something very wrong as he tries to pat the other corner of the bed with his hands and then remarks "OH NO!!! I can't believe I did this!!!".... Cut to, a Geology textbook lying next to Sheldon on the bed. Sheldon is obviously terrified.
SCENE 12 - L/S's apartment
Sheldon does the walk of shame from his bedroom door to the living room where Leonard is cooking something. Leonard seems well aware of Sheldon sleeping with the geology book and keeps teasing him about it and basically talks about this with sexual innuendo, for example: "You were reading the book very loud last night!!!" Sheldon asks Leonard where did Amy go? Leonard says that Amy went home once she took care of him. Sheldon says that he must apologize to Amy and removes his phone to do so when he finds out that he sent Stephen Hawking multiple voicemails while drunk the previous night.
SCENE 13 - Stephen Hawking's office
I do not completely remember this joke because it was pre-taped, but this scene is basically a clip of the first voicemail Sheldon sends Hawking where he goes "WHAT'S UP HAWK GUY? Why can't you pick up your phone???? Oh wait, I understand why."
SCENE 14 - At the cafeteria
Both Howard and Sheldon are sitting at a table opposite each other completely dejected. Howard asks Sheldon why he is dejected, Sheldon mentions it's cause he may have ambarrased himself in front of Stephen Hawking. Howard mentions how Sheldon shouldn't worry as Stephen Hawking is said to have a very good sense of humor. Sheldon tries to comfort Howard saying that he goes by some old adage where the advice is "This too shall pass." Now Kripke comes in and first laughs at Sheldon for embarrasing himself in front of Stephen Hawking. Howard defends Sheldon and tells Kripke to shut up, Kripke in response says "all right, Clogzilla!!!" and backs off.... Now after this, we get two cuts:
CUT 1: Sheldon makes shit jokes to Howard not understanding that he's making Howard more embarrased.
CUT 2: Sheldon mentions how the Clogzilla nickname and the joke is viral and shall never get old and pass.
SCENE 15 - At Stephen Hawking's office (LAST SCENE) --- TAG
Again, this scene was pre-taped so I do not remember this in detail but it basically is a clip of all the subsequent voicemails Sheldon sends to Hawking. The first one is whether Hawking wants to join him in his crime-fighting team. Then, the following one he's saying random stuff. In one of the middle ones he talks about how he likes Geology and that he loves saying the word "Geo"... so for the following voicemail messages, he keeps saying "Geo" over and over again before interjecting how "I kiss girls now" in the middle back to chanting "Geo" or some random shout the whole time. The scene ends up with Stephen Hawking saying something like "what a jackass!!!" for Sheldon's voicemails after hearing them.