Actor Mayim Bialik

[LeaGold]

I think there at some many other things in this world that is more inappropriate than venting your grief in whatever way you choose. It sounded harsh, and maybe it is, maybe it isn't. i think what's important to note more than the fact of how she sounded or even worded was that she shared with us something deeply personal that didn't have to share. She could have let it go unremarked but instead chose to share the news openly and lost some of her patience in the process. It's understandable.

The only way I can really think of her reaction of is the way Oh says in Home, "just like the human girl. She's was sad mad" or something like that.

Personally, I can't really relate to having a father pass away because mine isn't a part of my life and choose to never be and I know nothing of him apart from his name, where he's from, what he does, and that I apparently take after his side of the family.

I think that grief of any kind will elicit different reactions out of you, whether you are close to someone or not. Like how you might be mad at someone for dying when you needed them most but you are so sad and lost without them it may seem easier to be mad. Or just fall into a depression, not wanting to live another day because your grief is all consuming.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that yes her father died, yes it may or may not have been harsh of her to say those things (it's up to you to see it how you choose-the beauty of free will), and yes she is grieving, she is not internalizing it, and she chose to share her news with us and never mind how it sounded, the fact she did it humbles me because I am not sure I would talk about something this personal with those who I weren't close to.

I only hope that though the pain may never go away, that she finds some peace with her fathers passing because it was special and I respect that and wish her well.

Haha, yes I know I'm a sap and squishy inside haha.

[stardustmelody]

I think there at some many other things in this world that is more inappropriate than venting your grief in whatever way you choose. It sounded harsh, and maybe it is, maybe it isn't. i think what's important to note more than the fact of how she sounded or even worded was that she shared with us something deeply personal that didn't have to share. She could have let it go unremarked but instead chose to share the news openly and lost some of her patience in the process. It's understandable.

The only way I can really think of her reaction of is the way Oh says in Home, "just like the human girl. She's was sad mad" or something like that.

Personally, I can't really relate to having a father pass away because mine isn't a part of my life and choose to never be and I know nothing of him apart from his name, where he's from, what he does, and that I apparently take after his side of the family.

I think that grief of any kind will elicit different reactions out of you, whether you are close to someone or not. Like how you might be mad at someone for dying when you needed them most but you are so sad and lost without them it may seem easier to be mad. Or just fall into a depression, not wanting to live another day because your grief is all consuming.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that yes her father died, yes it may or may not have been harsh of her to say those things (it's up to you to see it how you choose-the beauty of free will), and yes she is grieving, she is not internalizing it, and she chose to share her news with us and never mind how it sounded, the fact she did it humbles me because I am not sure I would talk about something this personal with those who I weren't close to.

I only hope that though the pain may never go away, that she finds some peace with her fathers passing because it was special and I respect that and wish her well.

Haha, yes I know I'm a sap and squishy inside haha.

That was beautiful, Lea and well said!  Kudos!

[Judge-Apatow]

I honestly think its gross to criticize her for anything in her recent post. Her father died. Let her have her feelings.

[tallin]

After reading these posts I really I'm surprised by reaction of a lot of people here. What is bad about her post? That she said you can't understand her pain? Sorry, but you really can't. You will never be Mayim, with all her feelings, her ways to react to grief, and you will never have father like hers, no one is the same - the things she will probably miss in him, in your father are/were different. Not a one person is the same as the other. And the experiences you had with that person as well, never will be the same. My father died too, and frankly when someone said this to me, I said thank you, but wanted to say, no you don't know - we're not the same people, frankly it was the last thing I wanted to hear. And yes, person can feel bad for people pointing out her/his grief is like anybody else's, because so soon, you can have a feeling like yours is the biggest, because in your world- the only you're able to see clearly in that time, it is. Grief is always very personal, unique experience, and yes for some time you can be selfish, sound harsh or whatever and be so self-absorbed in your pain, you don't care about what people think or control your actions. You can't judge person who just is in big grief, not by your experience, not for her/his actions. She answered to fans who were asking what happened for days, she told you. You don't like her words or actions? Fine, but save the judgment for the time, she will be able to look at her situation and her actions with perspective, the pain will not be coloring her world. We really don't have another option here than say I'm sorry to offer our sympathy. So I'm choosing this and sending condolences to her family, hoping she has a lot of good people around who will help her and her family overcome this difficult situation. 

Edited April 22, 2015 by tallin

[Stephen Hawking]

If you are reading this Mayim, please know a great many people care about you.

 

Please take care of yourself, and your loved ones.

[Dannii]

I cried over the death of my bunny more than over the death of my uncle.

 

My animals are my family members, close, immediate family. 

 

People didn't think I was allowed to grief for my animal as much as I was.

 

My doctor gave me a sick note and said it was ok to be sad and grieving.

 

No one was in my shoes, not everyone sympathized, not everyone tried to understand.

 

So you'll never be me. 

 

And no one will be Mayim, will feel her feelings, will have her thoughts or memories. She is completely right stating this as a fact and no one should go and tell her off because she is totally and utterly right.

[Dannii]

Whoever has met her in person ( I have ! ) will confirm how sweet, radiant and beautiful she is. She is a person that knows exactly who she is, flaws and all, challenges ahead of and behind her. She is genuine and interested.

 

And she will address unpleasant things - she will tell you off. She will give you things to ponder about, things you haven't ever considered.

 

I admire her for a lot of reasons. I admire her even more since the day I met her.

 

That's all.

Edited April 22, 2015 by Dannii

[tallin]

I will just add one admiration to the list. I admire Mayim for being able to stood in front of two hundred  people tonight and make them laugh. In this situation, I strongly doubt I would be able to do so...

[mirs1]

I've lost my mother 10 years ago; during these years, unfortunely some of my friends have lost a parent too, but I've never said to them something like "I know what you feel..." to console them, simply because I know that this was a lie!

 

I think Mayim is right, nobody can be in other people's pain...you can share simpathy for them, be with them, but simply every single person react to such a grieve in its own way...

[MsTeller]

I was nineteen years old when my first boyfriend (my first love and high school sweetheart) passed away. I was lost in grief and had no idea where to turn or what to do with myself or what was going to happen to my life now. Did I get mad when people tried to comfort me? No. Did I get mad when people said they knew how I felt? No. That is because it was never done and it was never said.

 

Because my loss made my family uncomfortable, I was never permitted to bring it up to them ever again. I was not permitted to talk about it or to ever express my emotions or grief. I did not have friends or supporters who ever tried to hold me up, ever tried to understand me or ever tried to say we are sorry for your loss. I was left in my grief to be alone and find my own way out.

 

I can never know what it feels like for Mayim to lose her father but Mayim (hopefully) will never know what it is like to be deserted after a loss like that and you can only imagine my anger and my disgust when I see someone who has so many supportive people trying their best to pull her up and say whatever kind words they have to offer (unhelpful as they may be) and try to see her through in whatever way they can only to react with a post like that. (And the implication that I can not understand what "real" grief is because I do not believe in a higher power is far worse than that.)

 

I guess it only goes to show that NONE of us can ever truly understand what it is like to walk a mile in another person's shoes and that only those who have experienced being alone can develop appreciation for other human beings.

[phantagrae]

I don't think there's anything wrong with Mayim being in pain and all that.  But I also don't think she needed to say that the sympathy offered by others is somehow not true or not good enough.

 

As I said before, I think I know what she was trying to express, but I think that she just said it in a way she didn't need to do.  To be somewhat dismissive of other people's feeling and offers of condolence or sympathy just seems ungrateful, considering that people are trying to offer her support in some way.

 

It is true that when a friend suffers such a loss often the best thing to do is to just be there for that person if and when they need you, or just to remind them that you're there if they need to vent or weep or whatever.

But in this case, these are comments of support from people who cannot do anything for her personally because they're just fans.  All they can do is offer condolences and words of sympathy.

 

I'm sure she would never tell Jim such a thing, even though he has also lost a father.  Would she tell him to his face that he can't understand her grief because he's not her?  That somehow his loss of his father was nothing like her loss of her father?  What if Jim said that to her?  I mean, at least she had time to prepare and she's older.  When Jim lost his dad it was very sudden and he was in his early 20s.  Would she really think that he is unable to understand how she feels?

 

Perhaps none of us can truly understand the exact feelings another has, but in the end we are all humans and we all feel loss and pain.  There's no point in dismissing the feelings of others in order to measure our own depth of pain.

 

Again, I understand that she was apparently just trying to communicate the depth of her grief and loss, but I don't think that's necessarily best accomplished by negating all the sympathy that has been offered to you by caring fans.  And I think that if she had the time and thought to post about her loss, then she could have perhaps taken a moment to consider what she was actually saying.

[Sara Smile]

I don't think there's anything wrong with Mayim being in pain and all that.  But I also don't think she needed to say that the sympathy offered by others is somehow not true or not good enough.

 

As I said before, I think I know what she was trying to express, but I think that she just said it in a way she didn't need to do.  To be somewhat dismissive of other people's feeling and offers of condolence or sympathy just seems ungrateful, considering that people are trying to offer her support in some way.

 

It is true that when a friend suffers such a loss often the best thing to do is to just be there for that person if and when they need you, or just to remind them that you're there if they need to vent or weep or whatever.

But in this case, these are comments of support from people who cannot do anything for her personally because they're just fans.  All they can do is offer condolences and words of sympathy.

 

Perhaps none of us can truly understand the exact feelings another has, but in the end we are all humans and we all feel loss and pain.  There's no point in dismissing the feelings of others in order to measure our own depth of pain.

 

Again, I understand that she was apparently just trying to communicate the depth of her grief and loss, but I don't think that's necessarily best accomplished by negating all the sympathy that has been offered to you by caring fans.  And I think that if she had the time and thought to post about her loss, then she could have perhaps taken a moment to consider what she was actually saying.

Sorry if I chopped out some of your quote, but what you wrote here is exactly what I was trying to say. She is a celebrity, she had to know that people were going to say things like "I know how you feel". And I feel like people are taking the "I know who you feel" condolence way to seriously. Of course, no one knows exactly how anyone feels when they lose a parent,because each person has a different relationship with their parent. Saying "I know how you feel" Is just a way to express sympathy. I still think she should have turned her comments off if she didn't like what people had to say. I'm very sorry she lost her father, and yes, I know how it feels. And I don't think she's reading this thread on this website, I mean her father died, so I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel like reading comments here. It's not like I posted my thoughts on this subject on her website. I posted my thoughts here.

[Sara Smile]

I honestly think its gross to criticize her for anything in her recent post. Her father died. Let her have her feelings.

I'm sorry if you think it's "gross". I just posted my thoughts on her post. I posted my thoughts on this website, not hers. Mayim lost her father, and I feel terrible that she did. But she's the one who posted her thoughts about condolences, so I posted my thoughts on mine.

[stardustmelody]

Let's review her words again and are they really all that horrible?  No.  You can feel pain, anger, hurt, loneliness (because she lost her father) and perhaps some harsh truth that fans seem to feel they have a right to judge her for.  Tsk, tsk to the fans that are judging her.

My father died.

The second to last day of Passover. He had been in hospice for two months. We knew it was coming. We had months to process and love and grieve and rage at God and all of that.

And then he died.

I don’t know what I am ready to share. I don’t know that I am ready to share.

For those of you who have lost a parent, you know how I feel. You tell me you do. For those of you who have lost someone else you were close to, you also tell me you know how I feel.

But you don’t. Because you’re not me losing my Abba.

I appreciate condolences and care and love, but I am alone in the singularity of my loss.

Jewish mourning is profound and I am deep in it. I hope to be able to share more soon.

For now, I am praying a lot. And remembering a lot. And crying. And also laughing.

 

Because to every thing, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.

 

 

 

 

Mayim starts out clearly saying she isn't even sure she should share anything or what to share, qualifying her immediately that she is not in her normal state...she is giving us a hint immediately up front that whatever she says must be qualified with her inability to separate pain and anger from the moment.   This is important because she is already saying her mindset is not how she normal spends daily life feeling.  

 

For those that do not know it, Passover is a time of celebration of freedom and is supposed to be a joyful time for her family, but instead it brought the worst kind of pain.  Now on every Passover, you can bet this will always be a memory etched that cannot be forgotten.   In Jewish faith it is supposed to be an honor to die on Shabbat or a holy day, but it does not make it easy on those left behind because every Passover those memories are going to flood back.   So in a way, she was robbed of a joyful time for the most sorrowful time.   

 

Second she says that people tell her how she should feel and she is brutally honest here.   There is NO ONE who can tell her how she can feel.  I am sorry but they can't.  They can try, but they can't tell her how to feel, so she is being honest.   Honesty is always the best integrity and if people don't like to hear the truth, that is their issue, not Mayim's.   And no one should be blaming her for being truthful...would you rather she lie and sugar coat things just to make you feel better while she is falling apart inside?   If you do, then you are selfish and only thinking of yourself and not her.  Sorry, but I am going to be blunt here because it really troubles me that everyone is so concerned that their  own feelings for trying to comfort her are being trampled on by her honesty.   That is pure selfishness on their part, not hers.   Respecting her wishes and admiring her honesty...that is showing her how you are comforting her, not by tearing her down over her wording.

 

She does open up that she appreciates the condolences and comfort people are trying to give her.   But she is also being honest here in saying that her pain is her own pain...not something that someone else can take upon themselves.   Again, I think her honesty is refreshing...it is informing people that she can't deal with doting and empty words at this moment.   Let's face it, she doesn't even know fans personally, so why should their "comfort" actually comfort her?   Their condolences I am sure are more than appreciated, but don't pretend that you are comforting her when she has never met you.    

 

I am sure Mayim has been drawing comfort from those she is closest to and really her comfort is going to come from her eternal Abba and creator.   She is a woman of faith and her faith will bring her comfort through all of this which is why she tells us that she is deep in her faith's mourning process.    That process is designed to help heal while going through grieving.  She also tells us she hopes to be able to share more....which is generous.  It is telling fans, I don't want you to feel slighted, and I really do want to share with you when I am able.   That is very generous.

 

So for those who felt her words were inappropriate, perhaps you need to look at why it was so off-putting to you and why it was important to you to be able to offer your own form of comfort when she does not know you?   Why can you not respect what she is telling you is the best form of comfort at the moment...offer your condolences and then back off and give her space....then she will come back when she is ready and share a lot more with you.   I don't think it should be that hard to get her here and why anyone can insult her and say she is wrong in what she said and how she is feeling astounds me.    Give her space, time and she will be able to share more and begin to look like the strong woman we know her to be.

[Sara Smile]

I don't need to review her words again. I just stated my opinion, that I still stand by.

[pegcarr]

She does open up that she appreciates the condolences and comfort people are trying to give her.   But she is also being honest here in saying that her pain is her own pain...not something that someone else can take upon themselves.   Again, I think her honesty is refreshing...it is informing people that she can't deal with doting and empty words at this moment.   Let's face it, she doesn't even know fans personally, so why should their "comfort" actually comfort her?   Their condolences I am sure are more than appreciated, but don't pretend that you are comforting her when she has never met you.    

 

,

I agree Star and I think it is important to remember that this post  was  written as a notification of her fathers death and before she had received any comments on the blog from fans so it was not directed at any person in particular.  It was just noting how she was feeling at the time and I think it was very brave of her.

[notchinc]

It's so interesting to read the AV Club review of the last two episodes and how he thoroughly missed AFF.

[Chelle]

I don't find her blog post condescending at all. She appreciates the messages of sympathy, yes. She's merely stating that her grief is her own, and it's not the same as my or your or anybody else' s grief on death of a loved one. She is alone in her grief because it's HER dad who died. In times like this, it is better to give sympathy, rather than empathy.

 

It's human nature wanting to be a part of something, even in sad or depressing moments in someone else' s life. There's that undying notion that empathy is a deeper,profound feeling, but imo sympathy can be meaningful too, especially in times when a person is going through a personal sorrow. You don't have to put yourself in the other person's shoes just so you can show support. I find those people posting stories about personally meeting her dad and how he changed their lives for the better/left a positive impact with the most sympathetic messages.

[djsurrey]

Respect is key here.

In my opinion being respectful requires not passing judgments on someone who has experienced a loss.

My suggestion would be to reflect on her words and give her space and time,

 

Let those closest to her be there for her in a culturally/religiously appropriate way.

[stardustmelody]

It's so interesting to read the AV Club review of the last two episodes and how he thoroughly missed AFF.

 

 

They definitely love Amy.   I agree with a lot of their points about Amy, just didn't agree with his episode analyses, because I differed in opinion on both which I won't go into here because I have expressed my opinion on both episodes in the episode threads.   But I do love the fact that they see how important Amy's character is to the show.  For those who have not seen the article: http://www.avclub.com/tvclub/big-bang-theory-communication-deterioration-gradua-218493

[Trinabeana78]

I definitely agree with him, especially about the heart that Amy brings and the counterbalance to Bernadette's somewhat shrewish (at times) behavior towards the guys. I thought last night's episode was very funny, but I missed Amy more last night than I did in last week's episode. Mayim just brings something to the character and Amy's interaction with the others that is very conspicuous when it's not there.

 

On a side-note, the thing that the AV club reviewer says about how Bernie's role has been reduced to just pointing out how childish the guys are is so on the money I was like "exactly!" when I read it. I like her character, but I so wish they could figure out something else for her to do. Some other storylines for her than mostly being the nagging "mother" type to the guys.

[stardustmelody]

Agree about Bernie's character.   So wish they could give her more than being in that kind of role all the time.   Both Bernie and Amy need their own stories now and again.   And yes, Amy was missed...I had so wanted her to come and somehow through one smooth action fix that drone and make all the guys' jaws drop.  LOL!

[Stephen Hawking]

Bernie seems to be a character, who can dish it out, but can't take it.

 

In The Hofstdter Insufficiency, she makes the remark about Amy's boyfriend being "kinda of Sheldon", but when Amy makes the comment that "Your husband’s weird and his clothes are ridiculous", instead of just taking the hit, to even things up, she gives Amy an evil stare.

[rachelshamyfan]

https://instagram.com/p/18rtQGKBrf/

Mayim is in Oregon

[LeaGold]

https://instagram.com/p/19HsDmKBrf/

Now she has some s'mores