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Howard's Disrespect

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 I am a big fan of the series. This being said,  I am growing more and more annoyed by the way Howard talkes about and to his Mother. To me, it has gone from bad taste quips, and progressed into what legally might be considered elderly abuse. I do NOT hear his mother showing such disrespect towards him. She does treat him like a child, but IF he was REALLY a MAN, and as smart as we are let on to believe, then he should be able to deal with her "s"mothering differently. In so many ways, since his marriage, he has shown signs of maturing. But, when it comes to the way he treats his Mother - he's an ASS!!!

 My own Mother has passed on. And I can not tell you how often I wish that I had just one more hour with her. I predict that if the writer's keep perpetuating his disrespect, many/most of the fans will "get it", and not like it at all.

 I am worried that if such disrespect is so easy for Howard when he is angery, that he will transfer this behavior to his future children. Howard needs counseling to learn how to deal with her differently.  In fact, this would be a great story line!

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Great points!  I have wondered about this also.  Some of his jokes about her are down right cruel, and I don't understand how he grew up with her being his only parent, why he is so hostile towards her.  Yes, she smothers and guilts him, but those are boundary issues that he could work on.   You would think because they had to be a team since his father left, they would have a better, more loving relationship.    There is humor there to be sure, but it has been crossing the line to cruelty. 

 

I have to add that I do love Howard, and love Simon for his amazing acting. 

Edited by sheldorslady
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 I am a big fan of the series. This being said,  I am growing more and more annoyed by the way Howard talkes about and to his Mother. To me, it has gone from bad taste quips, and progressed into what legally might be considered elderly abuse. I do NOT hear his mother showing such disrespect towards him. She does treat him like a child, but IF he was REALLY a MAN, and as smart as we are let on to believe, then he should be able to deal with her "s"mothering differently. In so many ways, since his marriage, he has shown signs of maturing. But, when it comes to the way he treats his Mother - he's an ASS!!!

 My own Mother has passed on. And I can not tell you how often I wish that I had just one more hour with her. I predict that if the writer's keep perpetuating his disrespect, many/most of the fans will "get it", and not like it at all.

 I am worried that if such disrespect is so easy for Howard when he is angery, that he will transfer this behavior to his future children. Howard needs counseling to learn how to deal with her differently.  In fact, this would be a great story line!

Well actually that is not true. They show him deal with some very disrespectful children in one of the episodes and he seems much more tolerant than Bernie and Bernie said she doesn't like children. Despite Bernie being generally sweet with everyone else. So you cant apply that. Since Bernie is so sweet to her friends you think she would be sweeter to children and she hates children. Howard is rude to his mother but he tolerates children. I think Howard probably has resentment towards his mother because he feels he has to take care of his mom because his dad left. I think as an adult hes sick of being tied down to his mother but he feels he cant leave her because she needs him to take care of him. I also  think he has issues letting go of his mother since hes been with her so long and she always babied him. I think his mind set is kind of like that of a teenagers. He loves his mom but he doesn't want his mom to embarrass him. I don't think he has progressed passed that teenager mind set and even when you saw how he acted with Bernie he was very much a teenager. "I got a chick who plays trombone but I want a cheerleader" kind of mentality a teenager would have. So the issue with Howard is he stopped mentally in his teenage state. Hes initially is too scared to leave his mother and also quilted by his mother. He needs to learn to grow up but initially hes scared to leave his mom, and hes scared to be on his own. Even the fact he has raj might show something. So perhaps he is suffering from Codependency. When he got a girlfriend he finally decided "Maybe I do want to grow up". 

Edited by SheldonCooperFan

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I think if you look at the whole show series, they have been in each others cases at different times.  He may be bad right now, but remember he is taking care of her, he could just walk out, he has no legal obligation to help her.  Also, she has tried to keep him and his wife living with her, with no concern over their happiness, so she is not innocent either.  I think they are suppose to have a love/hate relationship in the show, that is their funny interaction.  Now if you want to complain about some of the stuff the writers think is funny, we need to start a new topic, because I have a big list.

 

I've lost my parents too, but I have also had friends who's mothers drove them crazy.  I have a more interesting question, if Leonard's mom was laid up like that, should Leonard take a month to help her?  Personaly I say no, Sheldon should have to go and help her.

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It's all part of the exaggerated Jewish mother/son dynamic prevalent in many sitcoms combined with general angst played out between any adult son and his mother in modern American comedies. The only healthy mother son relationships are in sitcoms that start out with the sons as children. It's pretty much the same as George Costanza and his mum, Raymond and his mum ( in Australia we had a series called Mother and Son that followed a similar dynamic. ) like everything in BBT regarding relationships between characters, it can be over the top but there is a caring relationship behind the insults. With every tasteless fat joke or complaint comes a good deed from Howard.

And SRAM, I doubt Beverly would even let Leonard know, let alone expect help from him.

Edited by Itwasdestined
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Aha, Beverly gets dementia in S10. Lets see Mr Lorre play that for laughs. He would need a another spin-off. L/P as fish out of water on the east coast, caring for mum. Won't happen... but maybe Stuart could carry it.

Howard's mum is not the worst and Howard hasn't treated her so badly as to not be funny. You just have to see what he does and forget what he says. Really he just makes a lot of noise. Wait till he bathes her in kerosene, then that's a complaint. :)

Edited by Nogravitasatall
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Howards mom is very mild compared to other cases. We don't see howards mom count how many pieces of bread he eats in the morning. We don't see her control howards personal decisions (for example, what kind of decoration to hang on his bedroom wall). Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just hope they also understand that everyone has a different perspective from the other. I see howards cruel jokes about his mom as a release from all the stress he gets from her. Whatever the reason, I think his character is still consistent with the progress he's making.

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Haha i think your taking things way too serioisley. Personally ive always taken Howard and his Mothers intetaction as off beat banter. Not. Sure how anyone can perceive it as a abusive relationship, i think its a taste thinh, theirs definatley alot of gray areas to their relationship. I think its important to note as viewers we hv nvr physically seen Mrs Wolowitz, so we dnt kno for sure how Howard treats her behind closed doors, dont forget Mrs Wolowitz gives as good as she gets.

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I think the yelling and dark humor are just the ways Howard and his Mother relate to each other, and from personal experience it's not as exaggerated as you might think, but Howard showed how he really felt about his Mother when she collapsed in the bathroom and he carried to the car to take her to the hospital, when the chips were down, you could plainly see how much Howard loves his Mom.

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Slightly off-topic but Howard is my least favorite character on the show.Actually, even tho I do like the show and watch it a lot, they ALL can get on my nerves from time to time

My favorite episode and not sure which season it's in, is where Penny rips Howard a new one and is tired of his BS. I was really disappointed when she apologized to him.Many of you will disagree with me and thats okay.He needed to get a clue and afaic, by apologizing to him, just gives him the okay to continue acting like a doosh( yes, I know I spelled it wrong  ;)    ). I understand that's how his character is written, but still. It's annoying and it gets old( a lot)

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Oh I loved that episode too while I like Howard, he could be really creepy early on, and he went too far in that episode. I wasen't necessarily that upset that Penny apologised, seeing she punched him in the face. Penny has actually punch 2 of the guys Sheldon and Howard haha. Tbh though since Season 5 you've seen a much more believable, honest Howard, that speech he did to Bernadette in S5, was really a sign of his character and the show maturing.  

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Very true....Howard has gotten better as the show has progressed.Those early seasons he was just too much  

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Some people speak to their parents in a way that is disrespectful to others, but not to the people involved. Howard's mum clearly doesn't seem upset with the way he speaks to her. That's just how they are.

My family is the same way.  It must be a "Jewish thing", LOL!!

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As I've watched all the episodes I've seen a really annoying progression of unnecessary talk from Mrs. Walowitz. Howard has every right to talk back to her since she herself is extremely loud, rude, and wants people to feel sorry for her. Who honestly thinks their son wants to live with them forever? She had to have known he'd move out eventually. She guilt-trips Howard into doing things. I wish he didn't because he enables her to continue to be the loud-mouth bass she is to get her way. I'd be like 'listen lady, get off your lazy ass and do things yourself. And stop shouting for all the street to hear!' At first the banter between the two was funny but they got progressively more aggravating. I would have smothered his mother with a pillow long ago. She did a lousy job obviously of building a man who can do his own thing without worry of what she thinks. Sorry lady but I'm not falling for your self-pity. How did Howard live with her all these years??

Edited by SoftKitty25

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Slightly off-topic but Howard is my least favorite character on the show.Actually, even tho I do like the show and watch it a lot, they ALL can get on my nerves from time to time

My favorite episode and not sure which season it's in, is where Penny rips Howard a new one and is tired of his BS. I was really disappointed when she apologized to him.Many of you will disagree with me and thats okay.He needed to get a clue and afaic, by apologizing to him, just gives him the okay to continue acting like a doosh( yes, I know I spelled it wrong ;) ). I understand that's how his character is written, but still. It's annoying and it gets old( a lot)

Well, to be fair, Penny never flat out told him that she was uncomfortable with his comments, she would just say something sarcastic just like the way she would do when Sheldon would annoy her with his rules or when Leonard would do something and she never punched any of them (well Sheldon but he was basically trespassing) let alone tell them that they will "grow old and die alone", I don't think that is a sort of thing you should say to a person not to mention a punch later. It was pretty disturbing for me. I was with Pwnny up to "nothing will ever happen between us ever" but everything after that just didn't sit well with me, I actually felt like she was more in fault in that episode than Howard. I personally can't understand why would anyone like that episode especially the Howard/Penny and the whole "I was really disappointed that she apologized to him" part kinda shocked me honestly but whatever... Of course it could have been a heat of the moment thing but she didn't seem to feel sorry about what she had said later on and she did punch him, so I don't really buy that... Sure some people say that the incident, no matter how harsh, helped them bond more or something but I am not so sure about that, the part in season four where she tells him that he should sign a pre nup because no other woman than Bernadette would ever want him just left me with a bad taste in my mouth... though they did seem to be closer and more natural as friends in season seven.

Also, if you watch the later seasons you will find out that Howard is no longer a douche (if he ever was one, that's a pretty harsh term), but again his relationship with his wife feels too angsty for me lately (although it had gotten much less intense after his mother's death, but I am afraid that it may resurface later because "humor"), not that I want him to go back to the way he was in the earlier seasons but give it a break writers...

But back on the topic... well, there's not much to discuss now... but I don't think that Howard was that disrespectful... I agree with SRAM's post... he always took care for his mother. And his mother was not so innocent either, she should have been more understanding and helpful at times. Sure, his comments were kinda harsh, maybe he should have kept some of them for himself, but without him, his mother's life would have been hellish. I think that the original poster was way tok harsh on Howard and kinda ignored certain... circumstances. I am glad that writer's didn't touch upon that part of their dynamic in episodes showing him dealing with his mother's death because I think that would lead to no good and would end up being reduced to almost shifting the blame from him to his deceased parent and so on, I wouldn't want to watch that, I liked the way they handled it in the show. Up until this point I felt the most sorry for Howard in "The Killer Robot Instability" but watching him in every episode dealing with his mother's death is heartbreaking, well at least in these episodes he got some closure and comfort... well, as much as you can in such situations...

Maybe we should start a thread about why is Beverly such a horrible mother (if there already isn't one), that seems like much more reasonable thing to discuss.

Edited by Mislav

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