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Ki22

Why Can't Sheldon And Amy Have An Asexual Relationship?

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Agreed Tensor.  There was no-one that he was sexually attracted to before Amy, if she hadn't have come along then we'd still be wondering along with Penny "What's Sheldon's deal?"

 

Now we know, Sheldon's deal is 'Amy'.  He's Amysexual. ;)

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My perspective is he is not either Dimesexual or Assexual. Their is no point of difference. Sheldon has never shown any interest in even the concept. So no one knows for sure. You can even use the same logic about him being tested, so he is not crazy. If the writers have not acknowledge it, he ain't something. I agree that he is on the spectrum of Assexual, but that does not make it a diagnosis. And to the OP, just because people are disagreeing with you does not make them wrong or you right. It's called an opinion, it is allowed.

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I never understand why some people are so desperate to put labels on Sheldon

 

Because Sheldon puts labels on everything, even his label maker (and the label has a little label that says "label").

 

Oh, wait, you meant... ah. Never mind.

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I never understand why some people are so desperate to put labels on Sheldon

 

I think “desperate” is a strong (and rather sneery) word Rachel.

 

Yes, it would be ideal if we lived in a world where people didn’t have labels.  But that’s not the word we live in is it?  In my professional capacity (call me Mrs Davis) I spend my days labelling people.  And why? Because we do not live in a society where people look to others to see what’s the same.  I spend my work hours mediating between people who can’t see past and respect other’s differences, so the labels need to be there to ensure everyone is treated fairly and everyone is represented.

 

Let’s take this thread as a good example shall we?

 

Ki is asexual.  Ki identifies with the character of Sheldon Cooper because he is also portrayed as asexual. So, when Sheldon enters into a relationship that Ki can’t relate to, she feels disappointment and comes on here to express her opinion (as 3ku11 pointed out, everyone has a right to their own opinion even if it differs with your own).

 

Ki’s opinion does not fit with the majority opinion.  Ki is dissenting and not toeing the Shamy line.  Therefore, Ki must be stamped on and to this end has been told her sexuality is “unnatural”, her opinion invalid, her observations incorrect (when they’re not) and that her thread should be “closed down”.  The cherry on the top, in my opinion, is the condescending “there, there dear, we all love Sheldon” post, nothing like being spoken to like you’re a child to cap it all is there?

 

The Big Bang Theory is a show celebrating diverse people and has a strong anti-bullying ethic.  Perhaps some people need to pay better attention when they watch it.

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Sheldon is Sheldon, Leonard is Leonard, Penny is Penny, Amy is Amy, Bernadette is Bernadette, Howard is Howard, Raj is Raj. That's it. Their is no distinction, no point od difference, no parallel between the two. What you see is what you get. It is true it is a show about diverse characters, and reversing gender roles. Why should Sheldon be Assexual, or Dimesexual? Or any kinda of sexual thing. Why can't he just be what he forsee's as Normal, or what the writers do. Why can't he just live his life, and if he has coitus with Amy, he does, but let it happen naturally instead of trying label it with pointless labels, that don't really achieve anything.

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The question was "why can't they have an asexual relationship"...Now I know.

Thanks to all who have stood up for asexuals...regardless of if it has anything to do with the show.

I appreciate that.

close the thread if you wish.

DONE.

ki

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The question was "why can't they have an asexual relationship"...Now I know.

Thanks to all who have stood up for asexuals...regardless of if it has anything to do with the show.

I appreciate that.

close the thread if you wish.

DONE.

ki

Hey Ki22

Come back to the games site, we miss you. ☺

Sent from my SM-N910F using Tapatalk

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I think “desperate” is a strong (and rather sneery) word Rachel.

 

Yes, it would be ideal if we lived in a world where people didn’t have labels.  But that’s not the word we live in is it?  In my professional capacity (call me Mrs Davis) I spend my days labelling people.  And why? Because we do not live in a society where people look to others to see what’s the same.  I spend my work hours mediating between people who can’t see past and respect other’s differences, so the labels need to be there to ensure everyone is treated fairly and everyone is represented.

 

Let’s take this thread as a good example shall we?

 

Ki is asexual.  Ki identifies with the character of Sheldon Cooper because he is also portrayed as asexual. So, when Sheldon enters into a relationship that Ki can’t relate to, she feels disappointment and comes on here to express her opinion (as 3ku11 pointed out, everyone has a right to their own opinion even if it differs with your own).

 

Ki’s opinion does not fit with the majority opinion.  Ki is dissenting and not toeing the Shamy line.  Therefore, Ki must be stamped on and to this end has been told her sexuality is “unnatural”, her opinion invalid, her observations incorrect (when they’re not) and that her thread should be “closed down”.  The cherry on the top, in my opinion, is the condescending “there, there dear, we all love Sheldon” post, nothing like being spoken to like you’re a child to cap it all is there?

 

The Big Bang Theory is a show celebrating diverse people and has a strong anti-bullying ethic.  Perhaps some people need to pay better attention when they watch it.

Just on record...I don't have a problem with "Shamy". Like I have said before, there are some "asexuals who do have relations with others who are not asexual."

This is not a "deal breaking" relationship.  I cannot speak for them, however, I get the feeling, for the true couples...it is a real relationship and is not "bad" for either them.  The give to each other what the other needs.  I am not like that ,but, others are.  I am fine with a "Shamy".  But, the writers will do what they need to make a great show..I know that.  I was just putting in a fan fiction...unpopular...but still.  I am not disappointed with the way the story has gone...just thought it would be good to break new ground...the story is fine without it.

 

ki

Edited by Ki22

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The more we keep relying on labels, the more we add fuel to the fire. Labels might be a good diplomatic solution to make people work together in a respectful manner, but it doesn't mean it's necessarily a solution that will work in the long run for society. It's a band aid, but the problems remain very much alive, under the surface. Categorizing information helps speed up reasoning and decision-making, and that's why humans naturally tend to do so, because a label comes with all sorts of implied assumptions that helps go from A to B without having to navigate through all the minutia in between. And that might help temporarily accept broad differences, but, like every generalization, eventually it only turns into a vicious cycle, IMO, because heavy reliance on these these "shortcuts" then create problems in accepting any deviation from the "shortcut", precisely because we aren’t paying attention to the “minutia” anymore, like we are seeing very evidently in this thread: Sheldon has sex with Amy, he deviates from the "shortcut", he's no longer "special and unique and interesting" and he essentially sells out to the crowd and has betrayed a whole category of people. I have major major issues with that, because how is this helping people accept differences? All it's doing is creating more boxes and telling people that they're ok so long as they fit in the box. Sexuality is biology, human behavior is biology, it doesn't work as a binary system, it's not modular, it's a continuum. No matter how hard one tries to fit everything into nice little boxes, the boxes fall apart when you touch their edges. And, for the record, this is an issue I have both with the obsession with wanting to make Sheldon a poster boy for asexuality as with the obsession to deny that his sexuality does not fit the commonly understood ideas of heterosexuality. Sheldon does not need to be fit in any of these boxes, he is himself and himself alone and, like anybody else, needs to be respected for being his own person, not for being a label. 

 

Ki was saying that if Sheldon has sex it’s disappointing because then he is no longer asexual (although at the same time we are saying asexuals CAN and DO have sex, so I don’t understand why Sheldon having sex makes him not asexual?) and he is "normalized" for the audience, when that couldn't be further from the truth because Sheldon's sexual behavior (whatever the explanation for it) will always be peculiar and rarely depicted in television, as not many characters have gone through the journey he's gone through, with himself first, and Amy next. And if people don’t get that because they look at it from a shallow POV and think that Sheldon has been “cured”, then it’s their problem, it doesn’t make it true. People can think all they like that sexuality is a choice or that it’s a phase, but that doesn’t make it true, no matter how hard they believe that. But, again, Sheldon was not PORTRAYED as asexual, Sheldon was portrayed as SHELDON, and people are free to interpret him and label him whatever way they like. But we only see the manifestation of his psyche in his behavior, and while we can speculate on his psyche based on that, the only people who have a final say on why he acts the way he acts, are his own creators. Obviously, based on on-screen evidence, some hypotheses are more plausible than others, and I don't disagree that the asexual (especially demisexual) hypothesis is one of the most valid, above many others, but it's not the only one and until stated in canon it cannot be considered as such. And every time this topic comes up on the boards we start off with someone being upset that Sheldon is asexual and him being with Amy ruins him, only to then gradually all agree that well, yeah, asexuality is not that clear cut, and well, yeah, asexuals can actually have urges, and well, yeah asexuals can have sex and masturbate, and well, yeah, demisexuals are techincally still asexuals and… wait, why were we arguing over Sheldon being asexual = not having sex with Amy, again!? 

 

I also personally have issues with the idea that what one does with their genitals is something that should be almost worn like a badge of pride and activism. Sexuality isn't a choice, especially not a moral or ethical one. Sexuality is something that is developed biologically and unconsciously and involuntarily, and as such it isn't set in stone or black and white. The key to sexual liberation to me isn't to invent more labels that one needs to adhere to in order to be accepted, but to let people be themselves and do whatever they want to do with their sexuality so long as it doesn't harm anyone. Again, it's one of the reasons I admire Jim's stance on the issue and his refusal to call his personal life activism. People are just people. 

 

Finally, if I may, I don’t understand why the cry “bully” any time someone disagrees with a minority view. For the most part (and I've read the whole thread), people have politely disagreed with Ki's view, presenting evidence from the show and interviews to support their arguments. While some might have been more tactful than others, and unless the moderators removed some posts and I didn’t see them, overall I think people have been fairly respectful and politely disagreed. ONE person mentioned the “unnatural” word once and yet it’s been brought up over and over like everyone and every post on this thread did that, which is simply not true. I just find it absurd to accuse people of being bullies just because their opinion is the majority’s opinion. 

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Leaving the "unnatural" comment aside, I do think the "ya boo, Sheldon has urges, you're wrong, I'm right, close the thread, go suck it sister" attitude could be construed as bullying, whatever language was used.

However, as I know too well from my professional capacity, this is how pack mentality works.

Likewise, I would be delighted to throw all labels aside (I hate labels myself) but human beings don't work like that. Probably why my Company has such a huge budget for psychometric testing as part of the recruitment process.

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Sheldon is Sheldon....Ki is Ki....I don't think there are labels...there is just being. I do don't have that. Just be.  I am sorry I have pissed you off and you can't understand.

Don't fight with each other!  We are all here for the same reason....The SHOW.

Ki

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I think there is a great deal of confusion on this site concerning asexuality.  I am not an asexual but there is a plethora of information online if you care to look. 

 

I’ll give you the basics:-

 

Firstly, @ ThePhantom, asexuals do not need to ‘grow up’.  I find the notion of some forms of sexuality being ‘a phase’ (and this is sadly a very common viewpoint) highly offensive as well as your idea that Amy should ‘keep up the fight’ (i.e. bully Sheldon into submission).

 

Asexuals are not sexually attracted to people.  Asexuals often have sexual urges (“a cross we all must bear”) and they deal with them through masturbation (or Kolinahr ;) ).

 

Demisexuals are asexuals that have developed a sexual attraction to a person that they have a close bond with.  This sexual attraction is exclusive to that person.

 

So, do I think Sheldon has been portrayed as asexual up to now? Yes, yes I do?

 

Sheldon has never shown any signs of sexual attraction to anyone, apart from Amy.  She is his exception.  His one and only. 

 

All his other interactions have been asexual. I know there are some that will argue that he was flirting with Penny in the first episode but, even if he was, this is again different to a definite sign of sexual attraction. 

 

The first, and to my mind, only concrete sign of sexual attraction was Sheldon’s unconscious body movement when he kissed Amy on the train, that has been the only action that has gone beyond flirtation.

 

So, before you call for this thread to be closed (seriously, how arrogant?) why not investigate for yourself what asexuality actually is and is not.

 

It is not lack of urges. It is the absence of sexual attraction to other people

 

Here it is explained in a nutshell (with pictures even)….

http://www.wikihow.com/Understand-Asexual-People

 

…and here are some interesting links regarding demisexuality and the AVEN organisation…

http://www.reddit.com/r/demisexuality/comments/2ghmxg/do_demis_have_dormant_sex_drives_until_they/

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

 

ATOB, I never said that asexuality was a phase.It just seems like they are building up to Sheldon becoming demisexual.Yes, up until Season 7 he was displayed as asexual but he is slowing getting more intimate with Amy. The 2 kisses last season and the "I love you" this season proved that. I don't see why Amy would give up after all of that when he is clearly making some progress

Edited by thephantom

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This is what you said actually Phantom...

This show is supposed to be about the characters growing up. If Amy gave up the fight fir intimacy and allowed Sheldon to remain asexual,he wouldn't have any growing up to do

It's the "gave up the 'fight' and 'allowed' Sheldon to 'remain' asexual" that's offensive.

It reads as though you believe that by constantly badgering someone you can force them to change their sexuality. That if someone's sexuality doesn't fit with your plans then you are within your rights to not "allow" them to be what is innate and natural to them because it doesn't suit you. Grown ups have sex don't you know? Time to be a big boy Sheldon. Time to "grow up".

That there is my problem with what you wrote.

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I didn't say badgering him or her will get them to change. Amy is letting Sheldon take baby steps towards being intimate. I think she wants him to be intimate when he's ready,not right this minute. I think if he didn't want to be sexual at all, he would have told her by now

Edited by thephantom

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No, what you said was this

"If Amy gave up on the fight for intimacy and allowed Sheldon to remain asexual, then he wouldn't have any growing to do."

What does 'the fight for intimacy' entail exactly?

Sheldon is not 'allowed to remain asexual'. What if he had a different sexual orientation, would that be permitted, or would that have to be changed to fit purpose too?

Are you confusing your 'growing' with 'changing'? Are you suggesting asexuals just need to 'go through puberty' perhaps? What do you mean?

What you're saying now Phantom does not match your original statement.

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Well, we finally agree on something Phantom.

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If you're asexual and you were offended by my first post, I'm really sorry

I'll go delete my first post. Please delete any of yours that quoted it

Edited by thephantom

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This is the problem....Us Asexual s can explain...but you cannot understand.  You do not know and can't know. Trust us when we say, "This is us....this is our Natural State."

As far as "labels" are concerned... is Heterosexual a "label?  I don't hear that kind of uproar about that.  You are heterosexual!  "How dare you label me!"  Never.

It is just us...not hedro...that get that flack.  Why the double standard?  Why are we wrong?

I still think Sheldon and Amy are the closest thing we are going to see at this point in time to an asexual couple.

I am happy for it while it lasts....however they end up. 

I don't see why this is a problem.

ki

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Know one is attempting to understand what it is like to be Assexual in real life. Point is Sheldon Cooper is a fictional character. So they can put Sheldon on the spectrum of being Assexual. But it is up to the writers if they want him to be classed as such. I don't think Shamy being a Assexual couple is neccessary. Sex is a natural part of human nature, and human relationship construct. Not for you and that's fine, I have no prejudice towards you, nor does anyone. But were talking about the context of the show.  

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And all I said "within the context of the show" This is the closest to us...it will currently be.   I am ok when the writers do anything different.  This is nice and I like it.

The Writers can do what ever they like...It is their show...I know this.  I was just saying this relationship is nice while it lasts.

That is it.


Know one is attempting to understand what it is like to be Assexual in real life. Point is Sheldon Cooper is a fictional character. So they can put Sheldon on the spectrum of being Assexual. But it is up to the writers if they want him to be classed as such. I don't think Shamy being a Assexual couple is neccessary. Sex is a natural part of human nature, and human relationship construct. Not for you and that's fine, I have no prejudice towards you, nor does anyone. But were talking about the context of the show.  

I did not say it was necessary...and again you are calling us asexual s "Unnatural"  not true...we are Natural.

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And all I said "within the context of the show" This is the closest to us...it will currently be.   I am ok when the writers do anything different.  This is nice and I like it.

The Writers can do what ever they like...It is their show...I know this.  I was just saying this relationship is nice while it lasts.

That is it.

I did not say it was necessary...and again you are calling us asexual s "Unnatural"  not true...we are Natural.

 

Well I am sorry I am clearly not as informed or as educated as you expect some to be lol. Just you started this thread by saying Shamy should have an "Assexual" relationship. Maybe you should have been more clearer on what you were trying to say that is all. And I don't know who you refering to by saying "us". I am not calling anyone Assexual, like I said we are talking about the context of the show. The idea it self. Like you said if the writers want to make Shamy an Assexual relationship they well. 

Edited by 3ku11

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