Best Jokes You Know

[joyceraye 6608]

Who's Chuck Norris ?

[Stephen Hawking 6922]

On 1/30/2019 at 2:03 PM, joyceraye said:

Who's Chuck Norris ?

He's Sirron Kcuhc backwards. 😁

[son-goku5 1463]

On 1/30/2019 at 3:03 PM, joyceraye said:

Who's Chuck Norris ?

I don't even wanna know you 😮

[Tonstar17 11615]

My girlfriend  and I were arguing... I was so mad I took my glasses off and told her. ”I don’t even want to see you right now!”...

 

 

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I'm a theoretical physicist like Stephen Hawking. I have lots of theories too. Nobody said they have to be right.


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[Stephen Hawking 6922]

If women ruled the world, there'd be no wars.

There'd just be a bunch of countries, not talking to each other.

[Tonstar17 11615]

My phone is always in my hand so if you think I'm ignoring you, I am.

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[Tonstar17 11615]

My Pal asked me who my favourite solo artist was. I said The Bee Gees.

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[Tonstar17 11615]

Viagra won't make you James Bond but it will make you Roger Moore

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[son-goku5 1463]

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

[chucky 10656]

12 hours ago, son-goku5 said:

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

Good one!

[son-goku5 1463]

Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

[veejay 24994]

[son-goku5 1463]

Two guys, Jim and Steve, meet.

Jim: "Hey Steve, I was at Peter's party last night, it was so awesome. And you won't believe it, these guys have a golden toilet."

Steve: "I don't believe that. You'd have to show me."

Jim: "Well, come on."

Jim leads Steve to Peter's house. He knocks on the door and Peter's wife opens the door, looking darkly at Steve. Steve explains what why they were there. The wife just turns around and starts yelling.

"Peter, here's the guy who took a crap into your trombone last night!"

[Tonstar17 11615]

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[Stephen Hawking 6922]

I'm setting up a dating website for lesbian chickens.

I don't want to be a millionaire, I just want to make hens meet.

[Tonstar17 11615]

A man was arrested yesterday for stealing a rare tropical frog from the local pet shop. Police let him off with a caution because it was the first time he'd kermitted a crime. The shop owner was said to be hopping mad at the decision.

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[son-goku5 1463]

What's the ideal weight of your mother-in-law?

.

.

.

.

3.5 pounds, counting the urn.

[chucky 10656]

On 3/6/2019 at 10:24 AM, Tonstar17 said:

A man was arrested yesterday for stealing a rare tropical frog from the local pet shop. Police let him off with a caution because it was the first time he'd kermitted a crime. The shop owner was said to be hopping mad at the decision.

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Good one!

[Tonstar17 11615]

Sad news from the local Italian restaurant last night. Apparently Luigi the head chef pasta way

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[son-goku5 1463]

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow was gone...

[Tonstar17 11615]

I just told my wife that I had sex with another woman.

She said, "Would you mind repeating that ?"

I said , "Sure, I'm seeing her again tomorrow."

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[son-goku5 1463]

Dentist: "This is going to be painful."

Patient: "I'm ready, Doc."

Dentist: "For the last year, I've been having an affair with your wife."

[Tonstar17 11615]

Where do fish go on their Spanish holidays...?

The costa del shoal

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[Tonstar17 11615]

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking. Its going to be a big change for me.

I've been with that doctor for the last 15 years.

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[son-goku5 1463]

"Do you have a drinking problem?"

"No, I pretty much have figured out how that works."