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Best Jokes You Know

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On 1/30/2019 at 3:03 PM, joyceraye said:

Who's Chuck Norris ?

I don't even wanna know you 😮

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My girlfriend  and I were arguing... I was so mad I took my glasses off and told her. ”I don’t even want to see you right now!”...

 

 

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I'm a theoretical physicist like Stephen Hawking. I have lots of theories too. Nobody said they have to be right.


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My phone is always in my hand so if you think I'm ignoring you, I am.

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My Pal asked me who my favourite solo artist was. I said The Bee Gees.

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Viagra won't make you James Bond but it will make you Roger Moore

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The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

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12 hours ago, son-goku5 said:

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

Good one!

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Two guys, Jim and Steve, meet.

Jim: "Hey Steve, I was at Peter's party last night, it was so awesome. And you won't believe it, these guys have a golden toilet."

Steve: "I don't believe that. You'd have to show me."

Jim: "Well, come on."

Jim leads Steve to Peter's house. He knocks on the door and Peter's wife opens the door, looking darkly at Steve. Steve explains what why they were there. The wife just turns around and starts yelling.

"Peter, here's the guy who took a crap into your trombone last night!"

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I'm setting up a dating website for lesbian chickens.

I don't want to be a millionaire, I just want to make hens meet.

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A man was arrested yesterday for stealing a rare tropical frog from the local pet shop. Police let him off with a caution because it was the first time he'd kermitted a crime. The shop owner was said to be hopping mad at the decision.

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What's the ideal weight of your mother-in-law?

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3.5 pounds, counting the urn.

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On 3/6/2019 at 10:24 AM, Tonstar17 said:

A man was arrested yesterday for stealing a rare tropical frog from the local pet shop. Police let him off with a caution because it was the first time he'd kermitted a crime. The shop owner was said to be hopping mad at the decision. emoji196.png

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Good one!

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Sad news from the local Italian restaurant last night. Apparently Luigi the head chef pasta way

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I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow was gone...

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I just told my wife that I had sex with another woman.

She said, "Would you mind repeating that ?"

I said , "Sure, I'm seeing her again tomorrow."

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Dentist: "This is going to be painful."

Patient: "I'm ready, Doc."

Dentist: "For the last year, I've been having an affair with your wife."

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Where do fish go on their Spanish holidays...?

The costa del shoal

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My doctor has advised me to stop drinking. Its going to be a big change for me.

I've been with that doctor for the last 15 years.

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"Do you have a drinking problem?"

"No, I pretty much have figured out how that works."

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