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My girlfriend isn’t talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday.
I’m not sure how I did that – I didn’t even know it was her birthday…



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Posted (edited)

A girlfriend and boyfriend lying in bed cuddling:

GF: “Am I your dream woman?”

BF: “You are much more than that…”

GF: “How much more?”

BF: “About 40 pounds.“

Edited by son-goku5

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My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.

I said, "No, wait! I can change."

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I was on a flight the other day when the air hostess came up to me and said, "Excuse me sir, would you like to have dinner?"

I said, "What are the options?"

She said, "Yes and No."


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A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He had sex with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money.

A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

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My ex-girlfriend still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

 

If you spend your day in a well, could you say that your day was well-spent?

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I was going to ask God for a bike,
but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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