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Tonstar17

Best Jokes You Know

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I've just received instructions from the kidnappers. They say if I want my kids back, I've got to hand over my cousin Esther.

Yes, it's an Esther Ransom.

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A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.



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Young Sheldon's big brother George was working on his car and getting more and more annoyed by Sheldon's questions and comments. "Here's a dollar, go down town and get me a dollar's worth of What's What" George told Sheldon. Sheldon looked at George and said "What's What?" "That's right" George said. "Just ask for a dolar's worth of What's What and they'll give it to you." So Sheldon set off on his quest a bit confused. When Sheldon got to the bad block in town, he encountered a heavily made up woman in a sheer gown standing in a doorway. Sheldon looked at her a bit puzzled, pointed to the general area slightly south of her belly button and asked "what's that?" "What's What?" said the lady. To which Sheldon replied "I'd like to buy a dollar's worth?"

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They're making a movie about a MASH unit, that treats soldiers who have suffered injuries to their genitals.

It's going to be called Saying Ryan's Privates.

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Whiskey on ice can give you liver disease.

Rum on ice can give you kidney disease.

Vodka on ice can give you heart disease.

Proof that ice is really bad for you.

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Posted (edited)

8000 men and one cubicle.

The scene was set, for the battle of Portaloo.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sperm donors wanted.

Please come quickly.

Edited by Stephen Hawking
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I got home from work this evening, to find Saloon Bar doors on my house, and 5 dead Red Indians in my living room.

I guess I must have hired Cowboy Builders.

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Charlie couldn't believe he was being granted access to the chocolate factory.

His girlfriend had been dead against it for years.

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I visited the doctor yesterday as i'm suffering from tennis elbow.

- How many days has it been hurting, David?

- Fifteen, love.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!



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My wife told me to go and get something that would make her look sexy. So I got drunk.

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12 hours ago, Tonstar17 said:

My wife told me to go and get something that would make her look sexy. So I got drunk.

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Now that's funny! :sungum:

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