Stephen Hawking Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 If it tastes like butter, and spreads straight from the fridge, you've probably had a power cut. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 Kung Fu Panda is the least racist hero ever, because he's black and white and Asian. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 With the relaxing of the lockdown rules, the seven dwarfs have been told that six of them can get together. One of them is not happy. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 I'm ninety six, and I'm convinced young women are attracted to me. Am I suffering from Penile Dementia? 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 The BBC have announced that, due to a misunderstanding, the Saudi Arabian version of the TV show Flog It, has been cancelled. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Santa Clause is dead, but, if you will grow a white beard and live in a grotto, it's only a matter of time before the Americans bomb the shit out of you. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 I was told a chicken will keep for three months in the freezer, but I put one in last night, and it was dead this morning. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 God is love - The devil is forty. Match point. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted June 21, 2020 Posted June 21, 2020 "Hello, I'm Doctor Brown, and I see from your file, that you are Mrs A." "Beg your pardon, you have MRSA." 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted July 4, 2020 Posted July 4, 2020 My mate is gay and dyslexic, but he won't admit to it. I think he's in Daniel. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted July 5, 2020 Posted July 5, 2020 My pet Squirrel has just died. To be honest, I'm surprised he lived as long as he did, with him having a nut allergy. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tensor Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 Three people walk into a bar. One of them walks up to the bar and said to the bartender, "Give me a Corona and two hurricanes." The bartender says that will be 2020. 1 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
chucky Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 20 hours ago, Tensor said: Three people walk into a bar. One of them walks up to the bar and said to the bartender, "Give me a Corona and two hurricanes." The bartender says that will be 2020. Very Good. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired CreativeGenius Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 The Proof is simple, and is left to the student. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShelledInCoopedUp Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 Katie Price is getting engaged again... She's now got more rings than Sonic the Hedgehog. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 Angela Merkel comes to the UK, to visit Boris Johnson. CUSTOMS OFFICER: "Name?" ANGELA MERKEL: "Angela Merkel." CUSTOMS OFFICER: "Nationality?" ANGELA MERKEL: "German." CUSTOMS OFFICER: "Occupation?" ANGELA MERKEL: "No, just visiting. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShelledInCoopedUp Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 29 minutes ago, Stephen Hawking said: Angela Merkel comes to the UK, to visit Boris Johnson. CUSTOMS OFFICER: "Name?" ANGELA MERKEL: "Angela Merkel." CUSTOMS OFFICER: "Nationality?" ANGELA MERKEL: "German." CUSTOMS OFFICER: "Occupation?" ANGELA MERKEL: "No, just visiting. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 A German was peeing in a street in New York, when a lady looks at him and says "Gross". The German says "Danke." 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShelledInCoopedUp Posted October 18, 2020 Posted October 18, 2020 (edited) "Does the man have no concept of time?" -Harry Shearer RE: Stephen Hawking being late to record The Simpsons. Edited October 18, 2020 by ShelledInCoopedUp 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted October 18, 2020 Posted October 18, 2020 The victims name was Jehovah. Police are looking for witnesses. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted October 31, 2020 Posted October 31, 2020 Never fart in an Apple store. They don't have Windows. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 I was recently a contestant on Mastermind. My specialist subject was STIs. I passed on four. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted November 28, 2020 Posted November 28, 2020 Homebase is offering jobs, to former occupants of Guantanamo Bay. Homebase reckon they'll feel at home, wearing orange jump suits, and being asked questions they don't know the answer to. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted November 28, 2020 Posted November 28, 2020 I recently went on a 1940s themed cruise. I really enjoyed it, until we were sunk by a U-Boat. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Hawking Posted November 28, 2020 Posted November 28, 2020 Two MPs have been caught having S&M sex, on the benches in the House Of Commons. Their party has withdrawn the whip. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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