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The 45,000 Replies Thread

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ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

And now this one, since I do accounting part time:

A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day's work.

After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message:

"Debits in the column toward the file cabinet.

Credits in the column toward the window."

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lol... that's cute :)

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One... But the lightbulb has to WANT to change.

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How about this one?

What should you do if you find yourself surrounded by Dracula, a mad scientist, a werewolf and a zombie?

Hope you're at a fancy dress party.

Bazinga. Or this one.

What was Dr. Jekyll's favourite game?

Hyde and seek.

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Bazinga!!!

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in apple trees. Bazinga!

Why do elephants paint the underside of their feet yellow?

So they can hide upside down in a bowl of custard. :D

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LMAO!!!

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

FYI: I'm entitled to tell this, because I am blonde. Actually, I'm a redhead at the moment, but that's only due to chemical enhancement.

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A sodium atom and a chlorine atom were in a Wild West shootout, and the sodium atom had its electron shot off.

"ARGH! I'm shot! I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive!"

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@Seph: LOLZ... that's very good :)

So.. this is post #263 for the thread, and #500 for me !!

Another cute joke...

A man opens his letter box to find a snail eating his mail.

The man says to the snail, "Stupid snail !!"

"It's LETTUCE, not LETTERS !!!"

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LOL, netmouse.

And just a wee Sheldonesque fact for you: the common garden snail is Helix aspersa.

Just in case you were wondering.

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My uncle is the cruellest man I know. He bought me a pair of crutches for my birthday, then he broke my leg so I could use them.

A friend of mine is so dumb she thinks a cartoon is a song you sing in a car.

I'd get a career working for the railway service but I can't keep track of everything.

I've been taking trampolining lessons, but they're full of ups and downs.

I caught Doctor Who shopping at a dalek-atessen last week.

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Ok... I think this thread is the perfect place to post this one...

At work tonight, I have just found out that the metal cylinder outside our office is in fact a rain gauge and is used to measure the local rainfall in the suburb and is directly monitored by our national bureau of meteorology.

For the past 3 years I have been emptying my left over coffee into it not realising what it was.

This would explain why we have had so much alleged rainfall in our area, especially during the nights I work.

I've pretty much been adding around 200ml of coffee flavoured "rain" to it every night ><

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I'm sorry, netmouse, but I just about peed myself laughing over this one. I guess I expected you to end your post with "Bazinga!"

I guess the rainfall in your area will drop dramatically from now on.

On a less interesting note, I have just gotten a new job. So I'll be back in the workforce full-time, as of next Monday.

Arggghhh - I'll have to rise at 6.30 every morning...:(

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@BazingaGirl: just keep the pee in your pants and NOT in a rain gauge !! lolz

Hey, gratz on the new job. If it's any consolation, when you're getting up at 6:30am, I'm actually clocking off and getting ready for the hour long drive home.

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Paddy and O'Rielly are walking down the main street of Dublin.

They pass an arborist's shop.

In the window there is a sign "Tree fellers wanted"

Paddy turns to O'Rielly and says "'Tis a pity Shameous isn't with us, otherwise we could have applied for ta' job"

L M A O

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