Tensor Posted September 10, 2020 Share Posted September 10, 2020 The Retraction Reaction Season 11 Episode 02 Teleplay by Story by Dave Goetsch Steve Molaro & & Eric Kaplan Steve Holland & & Anthony Del Broccolo Maria Ferrari COLD OPEN/SCENE A ATOM CUT TO APARTMENT 4A (Leonard, Sheldon, Penny, Howard, Raj, Bernadette, Amy) SITTING IN LIVING ROOM, EATING TAKE OUT. RAJ GET UP, WALKS TO KITCHEN SHELDON: Ahhhh, one dumpling left, who wants it? AMY: Maybe you should offer it to the pregnant lady. SHELDON (quizzically): And that would be? SHELDON LOOKS AT BERNADETTE. BERNADETTE: Me, Sheldon, I’m obviously pregnant. SHELDON: Well, you never said it to my face. And, the last time I assumed a woman was pregnant, it did to go over well. PENNY: Yeah, I’m still mad at you. SHELDON: You were drinking water instead of wine, what was I supposed to think? RAJ ENTERS FROM KITCHEN. RAJ: Sheldon’s right, I would never ask a woman if she was pregnant. Unless, she tells me, or I see a human being wiggling out of her. RAJ SITS ON FLOOR NEXT TO THE COFFEE TABLE. BERNADETTE: Well, Sheldon, I’m pregnant. SHELDON: Congratulations, how far along are you? BERNADETTE: About three months. SHELDON(shocked): Only three? Good gravy, how many babies are in there? HOWARD: Okay, let’s talk about something that won’t infuriate my pregnant wife. RAJ: I read an interesting fact about elephants. HOWARD: Try again. LEONARD: Oh…oh…I’ve got something. I’m being interviewed on Public Radio this Friday. HOWARD: Oh, cool, how come? LEONARD: The university is trying to get more funding for the physics department, so they want me to go out and talk it up. SHELDON(astonished at Leonard): Really? You? LEONARD LOOKS HURT AMY WHISPERS INTO SHELDON’S EAR. SHELDON (deadpan): Well, they picked the right person for the job. LEONARD (underwhelmed): THANK YOU. SHELDON (Whispering to AMY): I think he bought it. CUT TO OPENING TITLES ACT 1 SCENE B ATOM CUT TO NPR RADIO STUDIO (Leonard, Ira Flatow) IRA: Hi, I’m Ira Flatow, and this is Science Friday. Joining me today is my guest, physicist Dr Leonard Hofstadter. To talk about all of the exciting research they’re doing at CalTech. LEONARD (first words are in a high pitch), Thank you for having me…whoa… I never get used to hearing myself in headphones. LEONARD TURNS AND LOOKS AT THE CONTROL ROOM. LEONARD: Is that really how I sound? IRA: It is, it is. LEOANRD (Lowering his voice): That is good to know. CUT TO APARTMENT 4A (Sheldon, Penny, Amy) ALL LISTENING TO LEONARD ON THE COMPUTER. LEONARD AND IRA [VO] IN BACKGROUND SHELDON;I told him his voice was annoying, he didn’t want to listen. PENNY: Hey! SHELDON: Your saying it’s not? PENNY(Resignedly): Just. Hey RESET TO RADIO STUDIO IRA: So, it has been five years since the discovery of the Higgs Boson. What’s the next big thing gonna be? LEONARD: Wow, that’s hard to say. There’s so much going on, we’ve been collecting tons of data, that could revolutionize the way we understand the universe. For instance, there’s a particle, called a squark which could prove supersymmetry. IRA: That is interesting, have you found it? LEONARD: What? The squark? IRA: Yes LEONARD(Softly): No, no. (BEAT) Wouldn’t that be exciting? (BEAT) But, we’re also looking for the selection, the gluino, and the nuetralino. IRA: Have you found th… RESET TO QUICK SHOT OF 4A RESET TO RADIO STUDIO. LEONARD: NO. As far as I know, I went to high school with a girl named Theresa Gluino. But, it didn’t cast two billion dollars to find her. She was smoking behind the gym. IRA: So, what have you found? LEONARD: Ahhh, nothing, actually. CUT TO WOLOWITZ KITCHEN (Howard, Bernadette, Raj) ALL THREE LISTENING TO LEONARD ON THEIR COMPUTER BERNADETE: Should he be saying that? RAJ: Probably not. HOWARD: Yeah, this is public radio, doesn’t he realize this is public radio, doesn’t he realize dozens of people might hear him? RESET TO RADIO STUDIO LEOANRD: I remain confident, we got the best equipment, and the best minds, all working on it. RESET TO APARTMENT 4A AMY: Ok, sounds like he’s back on track. RESET TO RADIO STUDIO LEONARD: Although, some days I’m like, Arrrrgggg, we’ve spent so much money, why haven’t we found anything? What are we doing? RESET TO APARTMENT 4A SHELDON, PENNY GIVE A NEGATIVE FACIAL REACTION. AMY: Oh, boy. ATOM CUT TO SCENE B CALTECH CAFATERIA. (Sheldon, Howard, Raj) HOWARD SPOTS LEONARD IN THE CAFETERIA LINE. HOWARD: There’s Leonard. I bet he’s having a rough day. RAJ: Let’s just try to be supportive. SHELDON: Supportive? He publicly maligned the love of my life, lady physics, HOWARD: You might not want to mention that to lady fiancé . LEONARD APPROACHES PUTS TRAY ON THE TABLE, SITS DOWN. LEONARD: Hey, guys. HOWARD: Hey. RAJ: How’s it going. SHELDON: Pff. LEONARD: What, you got something to say? SHELDON: I think I just said it. “P” “F” “F”. Pff. LEONARD: Look, I…I…I was just speaking the truth. We-we’re scientists, isn’t that what were supposed to do? SHELDON: Oh, what would you know about the truth. You thought Phantom Menace was not half-bad. LEONARD: I told you that in confidence. RAJ: Ok, calm down, OK everybody just cool it. HOWARD: No, let them go. If we get lucky, maybe one of them will start crying. LEONARD: Can we just drop this and have lunch, like adults. RAJ: OK HOWARD: Uh huh SHELDON: Very well. SHELDON: Leonard. LEONARD: What? SHELDON: Pfff. ATOM CUT TO SCENE C AMY’S LAB (Amy) AMY IS PUTTING THINGS IN A BOX BERNADETTE KNOCKS ON DOOR AND ENTERS BERNADETTE: You ready for lunch? AMY: Oh, one second. BERNADETTE: Ooooooo, someone has a lot of fancy new lab equipment. AMY: I know, the university’s been throwing money at my study. With any luck, there’ll be a brain disease with my name on it. BERNADETTE: Fingers crossed. AMY: Which is ironic, because if you had Fowler’s Palsy, you wouldn’t be able to cross your fingers. BERNADETTE: I’m surprised Sheldon’s not up here playing with all your new toys. AMY: Actually, I haven’t told him about it. We’ve been getting so much more funding than physics, he’s been a little sensitive. BERNADETTE: So, you’re just going to hide your success from him? AMY: I know, am I terrible? BERNADETTE: No, I do that too. Howie thought my company retreat was in Boise, it was in Tahiti. AMY: That’s such a relief, I mean part of me was worried I was being unfair to Sheldon. BERNADETTE: Take that part of yourself and hide it away. Just like I did with last year’s bonus check, that I MAKES AIR QUOTES BERNADETTE: didn’t get. AMY AND BERNADETTE LEAVE ROOM. ATOM CUT TO SCENE D HR OFFICE (Ms Davis) [SFX] KNOCK ON DOOR, LEONARD ENTERS. LEONARD: Ms Davis, you wanted to see me. MS DAVIS: Yes, Dr Hofstadter, come on in. MS DAVIS WALKS TO HER CHAIR AND SITS DOWN LEOANRD CLOSES DOOR. LEOANRD: Should I sit, or stand, I’m not used to being called into the dean’s office. MS DAVIS: Please sit. LEONARD WALKS TO THE CHAIR AND SITS DOWN. LEONARD: I have to say, I’m a little nervous. MS DAVIS: You should be. LEONARD: Look, I know I screwed up, but it was only one interview. Mmm, how much damage could it have caused? MS DAVIS OPENS HER LAPTOP MS DAVIS: Would you like for me to read you the emails, from donors asking why are the giving us money, if physics is a dead end? LEONARD: I didn’t say it was a dead end, I just said, I was worried it might be. MS DAVIS: So, if I just said I was worried that you might not have a job next week, how would you feel? LEONARD: Light-headed and glad you asked me to sit down. (BEAT) Just tell me what I can do. MS DAVIS: I’m going to need you to make a statement… MS DAVIS CLOSES HER LAPTOP MS DAVIS: …Saying you misspoke, and that you’re confident the physics community is close to a major breakthrough. LEONARD: You want me to lie. MS DAVIS: Look, Dr Hofstadter, I’m counting on you, I think that you are the smartest physicist at this university. LEONARD (Sounding happy): Really? MS DAVIS: See, lies, they’re not that hard. ATOM CUT TO SCENE E AMY AND SHELDON’S APARTMENT (Sheldon) LOOKING OVER SEVERAL WHITE BOARDS. AMY ENTERS SHELDON TURNS TO HER. AMY PUTS KEYS IN THE BOWL. AMY: Hi. SHELDON: Hello. SHELDON TURNS BACK TO THE WHITE BOARDS. AMY GLANCES AT WHITEBOARD. AMY: Huh, Looks like you’ve been busy. AMY TAKES OFF HER PURSE, SETS IT DOWN. SHELDON: Oh, I have. Dark Matter, reconciling gravity and quantum mechanics, super symmetry. I have figured out the biggest problems in physics today. AMY: Wow, you solved them all? SHELDON: No, I just, I figured they are the biggest problems. AMY WALKS TO KITCHEN AMY: Is this about what Leonard said on the radio? SHELDON: Absolutely not, and I do not want to talk about Leonard, can we just please talk about anything else. AMY TAKES BOTTLE OF WATER OUT OF FRIDGE, OPENS IT. AMY: We can talk about my day. SHELDON: Walked right into that one, didn’t I. AMY: Well, since you sorta asked, I actually had a very good day. Got some new equipment for my lab. SHELDON: Well, congratulations. I got some new equipment too. These markers. SHELDON PICKS UP MARKERS, PULLS OFF THE TOP AND WAVES THEM AROUND. SHELDON: And they smell like fruit. which I did not notice when I bought them (sniffs one), don’t really care for it. ATOM CUT TO SCENE F APARTMENT 4A (Leonard, Penny) PENNY BRINGING WINE AND TWO GLASSES TO LEONARD AT THE COUCH, PENNY: Here, drink this. PENNY POURS DRINKS. PENNY: It might help LEONARD: What if it doesn’t? PENNY: Now, that’s why I brought the bottle. LEONARD: No one would talk to me in the halls, they just glared at me, it was like high school all over again. PENNY: Ohhhhhh, I would totally do high school all over again. LEOANRD LOOKS AT PENNY SADLY. PENNY RAISES HER ARMS PENNY: But, that doesn’t help you. LEONARD: I got called in the administration office. PENNY: Ooooooooo, look at my bad boy getting called to the principal. LEONARD: We don’t technically have a principal, there’s a standing committee that oversees the budget. PENNY: Oooooooo, look at my bad boy answering questions nobody asked. Oh, come on, look, you said a few dumb things on the radio, what’s the worse that could happen? LEONARD: I may get fired. PENNY: Ok, well even if you did, you could find another job. LEONARD: Yeah, who wouldn’t want to hire the physicist who publicly said, physics is dead. PENYY: Well, I wouldn’t put that under special skills. LEONARD: I-I-I can fix it, I-I just need to write a retraction I don’t believe in. Basically sell out to keep my job. PENNY: Great I’ll leave you to it. PENNY GET UP, TAKES GLASSES AND WALKS AWAY. ATOM CUT TO SCENE G APARTMENT 4B (Sheldon) SHELDON LOOKING AT BOARD SHELDON: Hmmmmmmm SHELDON TURNS TOWARD NEXT BOARD (TWO BEATS). SHELDON: Hhhhhhmmmmmmm SHELDON LOOKS AT THIRD BOARD. SHELDON: Oy. [SFX] THREE KNOCKS. LEONARD [VO] Sheldon it’s me. SHELDON WALKS TO DOOR, OPENS IT SHELDON: What? LEONARD WALKS INTO THE ROOM, TO JUST IN FRONT OF COUCH. LEONARD: Look, I know you’re mad, but I have to write a statement that says the physics community is close to a breakthrough, and since you actually believe that, I could really use your help. SHELDON: Sorry, I can’t. LEONARD: Come on, don’t be like that. SHELDON: I can’t, because I think you were right. LEONARD: What? SHELDON CLOSES DOOR SHELDON: Look, not all science pans out. We’ve been hoping supersymmetry was true for decades, and finally we built the Large Hadron Collider, which is supposed to prove it, by finding all these new particles, but it hasn’t. Uh, maybe supersymmetry, out last big idea is simply wrong. SHELDON WALKS TO THE FRIDGE, OPENS IT. LEONARD: Well, that sounds awful. Now I get why everyone hates me. SHELDON: On the bright side, after working together for fifteen years, you finally get to hear me say, “you were right”. LEONARD(Smiling): Yeah, ya did. SHELDON: How’s it feel? LEONARD: Given I might be unemployed, bittersweet.. FADEOUT END ACT 1 ATOM CUT TO ACT 2 SCENE H APARTMENT 4B (Sheldon, Leonard) SHELDON PACES BEHIND COUCH LEONARD IS SITTING ON, WRITING ON HIS COMPUTER. SHELDON: Read it back to me. LEONARD: Hang on. Yes, one might question the $20 Billion to build and run the Large Hadron Collider, but on the other hand… SHELDON: Ok, umm, oh, oh, on the other hand, contrary to predictions, the collider didn’t create a small black hole, that devoured the Earth, and life as we know it so, money well spent. LEONARD: This is depressing, do you have any alcohol around here? SHELDON: Oh, not surprisingly, when Penny moved out, she took every last drop. Um, oh, but, I do have several bottles of Romulan ale that I bought at Comic-con. LEONARD: Isn’t that just vodka with blue dye in it? SHELDON: First physics, now Romulan Ale, what else would like to defecate on. [SFX] KNOCK ON THE DOOR, PENNY ENTERS PENNY: HEY, I thought you were coming right back. LEONARD: I was, but were both depressed and decided to drown our sorrows. SHELDON WALKS TO LEONARD POURING A DRINK PENNY: In mouthwash? Man, that is so summer camp. SHELDON: It’s Romulan Ale, from Star Trek. LEONARD: It was briefly legalized during the alliance between the Romulan Empire and the Federation at the time of the Dominion War. PENNY: Awwww, ow I’m depressed. ATOM CUT TO SCENE J WOLOWITZ’S KITCHEN (Bernadette, Amy) BERNADETTE IS POURING TEA FOR EACH OF THEM. AMY: The more I told him about my lab, the pissier he got. You know what he said to me? He said, “I hope all of your correlations turn out to be specious.” BERNADETTE: He said that to your face? What a dick. You know, you’re a successful woman, you should be able to brag about your accomplishments once in a while. AMY: So should you. I mean the guys are never shy about bragging. BERNADETTE: Tell me about. Howie, texts me every time his dog levels up in Warcraft. AMY: Has he every called you to tell you he found three peanuts in one shell? Cause Sheldon has. BERNADETTE: We should be able to do that too. AMY: I guess we can brag to each other. BERNADETTE: That’s a great idea. AMY: Damn right it is, I came up with it. (Laughs) That felt good. BERNADETTE: You know, there’s so much money in pharmaceuticals, we don’t even was out our test tubes. We just throw them out and get new ones. AMY: I just got a brand new, state of the art, FMRI machine. BERNADETTE: Whoa, those things are so expensive. AMY: I know, sometimes, I just lie down in there, and take a nap. (Beat) It’s like a million dollar bunkbed. BERNADETTE: At the office, I have two assistants. I don’t even know their names, I just call them thing one and thing two. AMY: That’s great, I don’t have assistants. BERNADETTE: I guess that’s one of the benefits of being in the private sector. That, and all the money I make. AMY: Yeah, you’ve got that, I’ve got my integrity. Hard to say with is better without making you feel bad. ATOM CUT TO SCENE K APARTMENT 4B (Sheldon, Leonard, Penny) PENNY POURING ANOTHER DRINK INTO HER GLASS. SHELDON LOOKING AT HIS PHONE, LEONARD SITTING. PENNY: Ok, so you guys are upset because the collider thing disproved your theories? LEONARD: It’s worse than that. It hasn’t found anything in years, so we don’t know if we’re right, we don’t know if we’re wrong, we don’t know where to go next. SHELDON: All I know is it looks like I tongue kissed Avatar. SHELDON STICKS TONGUE OUT, IT'S BLUE. PENNY SITS ON THE COUCH PENNY: Come on, you guys are physicists, Ok, you are always going to be physicists. And, sure, sometimes, the physics is hard, but isn’t that what makes it boring HOWARD AND RAJ ENTER HOWARD: Hey, we’re here. What’s going on? PENNY: Ok, as far as I can see, science is dead, because Leonard killed it, and I don’t know who the Romulans are, but those guys know how to party. RAJ: So, what do you want us to do? PENNY: I don’t know, you’re scientists, cheer them up. HOWARD: Cheer them up? Do you even know what a scientist is? LEONARD: We don’t need to be cheered up, it just turns out that physics is exactly like Lost. It started out great and turns out just a big old waste of time. RAJ: Boo hoo, you know what you sound like? Babies. Two, whiny, babies. There’s nothing worse than being stuck with two whiny babies. HOWARD: Ohhhh. HOWARD REMEMBERS HE’S GOING TO HAS A SECOND SHORTLY, SITS ON COUCH, LOOKS DEPRESSED. HOWARD: Oh my God, I’m going to have two babies. RAJ: No, no, no, no, no, no, babies are great. You’re lucky to have two babies. I mean, look at me, I’m all alone, I’m never gonna have babies. Cause you can’t make a baby, watching Netflix with your dog. RAJ COLLAPSES TO SIT ON COUCH. PENNY(sounding sarcastic) Thank for coming. ATOM RESET TO SCENE L WOLOWITZ’S KITCHEN AMY: I may not make as much money as you, but at least I know that I’m actually doing something that makes people’s lives better. BERNADETTE: My work makes peoples lives better. Especially if you have moderate to severe eczema and don’t mine a few loose teeth. AMY: You’re right, we both do important work. I’m trying to map the structures of the brain, and you’re trying to convince people that itchy hair is a real thing. BERNADETTE: It is a real thing. It happens to be a side effect of our cholesterol drug AMY: I’m just saying that my research, may actually change the world forever. BERNADETTE: I hope it does, cause I’m gonna see that world, from a yacht so big, you can land a helicopter on it. ATOM RESET TO SCENE M APARTMENT 4B GUYS AND PENNY SITTING IN THE APARTMENT. LEONARD: Physics is all we’re cut out for. If we weren’t physicists, what would we be? HOWARD: I don’t know, popular. SHELDON: It’s fine, I don’t need to be a theoretical physicist. There’s lots of things I could use this brain for. I could be an account for the mob. I could guess peoples weight at the fair. PENNY: Ok, this is getting silly. SHELDON LOOKS AT PENNY. SHELDON: Is it? SHELDON POINTS AT PENNY. SHELDON: 180. PENNY LOOKS OUTRAGED, SHELDON NODS PENNY: Ok, that is enough. Your lives are not wasted. Your careers are not at a dead end. You just hit a rough patch. Instead of feeling sorry for yourselves, get up and get inspired. LEONARD: How? PENNY: I don’t know. When I’m feeling down, I go for a run. Which is exactly why I’m not 180 pounds, genius SHELDON LOOKS SHEEPISH. HOWARD GETS UP OFF THE COUCH HOWARD: I know where we need to go. LEONARD: Are we running there? Because watching drunk Sheldon run would be the highlight of my life. HOWARD: We’re going to see Richard Feynman. SHELDON: Penny, Richard Feynman is an iconic… PENNY: I know who he is, Leonard dressed as him for Halloween last year. THEY ALL GET UP AND WALKED TOWARD THE DOOR ATOM CUT TO SCENE N (EXT) CEMETERY (Sheldon, Leonard, Penny, Howard, Raj) ALL WALKING AROUND LOOKING AT STONES FOR FEYNMAN’S GRAVE PENNY: I had no idea Richard Feynman was dead. HOWARD: Yeah. Most people don’t know he’s buried right here in Altadena. SHELDON: I’m sure they keep a lid on that, to avoid traffic jams. HOWARD BRUSHES LEAVES OFF OF A GRAVE WITH HIS FOOT HOWARD: Huh, huh. Here he is. HOWARD KNEELS, BRUSHES LEAVES OFF WITH HIS HAND PENNY: Oh, wow, he’s buried with his wife. RAJ: We get it, a lady loved you. Quit bragging. LEONARD: Feynman was so cool. When I was a kid, I’d put on some headphones, and crank up one of his lectures and just jam out to knowledge. HOWARD: This guy knew how to live. Taught himself musical instruments, studied Portuguese, just to give a speech in Brazil RAJ: The only part of me that’s been to Brazil is my Bikini line. PENNY TAKES BOTTLE FROM RAJ. PENNY: OK. LEONARD: He did so much. And here we are, stuck and letting him down. SHELDON: Feynman used to say he didn’t do physics, for the glory or the awards, but for the fun of it. LEONARD: He’s right. Physics is only dead when we stop being excited by it. RAJ: Even beyond the grave, he’s imparting wisdom. SHELDON: Um, I’m the one who remembered it. HOWARD: Give me the bottle. PENNY HANDS HOWARD THE BOTTLE OF ROMULAN ALE HOWARD: It might be a little bit corny, but I say we pour one out for all the science homies, who came before us. RAJ: I love that. LEONARD: Do it. HOWARD POURS A BIT OUT OF THE BOTTLE ONTO THE GRAVESTONE, THEN TAKES A DRINK HIMSELF. SHELDON: Here comes some more. SHELDON RUNS OFF. A FEW SECONDS LATER IS THE SOUND OF VOMITING. PENNY (Smiling): Ahhhh, we got to see him run. FADEOUT END OF ACT 2 TAG ATOM CUT TO SCENE P HR OFFICE (MS Davis) [SFX] KNOCK ON THE DOOR LEONARD OPENS DOOR, LOOKS IN LEOANRD: Hi, you wanted to see me? MS DAVIS: Yes, I wanted to talk to you about the email you sent me last night. LEONARD: I sent you an email? MS DAVIS (smiling): You bet you did. LEONARD ENTERS AND SITS IN CHAIR IN FRONT OF DESK. MS DAVIS READS LEOANRD’S EMAIL FROM HER COMPUTER. MS DAVIS: Hello. Shalom and aloha from the grave of Richard Feynman. LEONARD’S EXPRESSION CHANGES TO ONE OF DESPAIR LEONARD: Awwwwww, it’s coming back to me. MS DAVIS: Pleases accept the following retraction. I know I said physics is dead, but it is the opposite of dead. If anything, it is undead, like a zombie. Speaking of which, if Richard Feynman came back as a zombie, I would totally let him bite me. MS DAVIS STARES AT LEONRD WITH A WRY LOOK. LEONARD: Any chance that’s the end? WITH A DEADPAN REACTION, MS DAVIS CONTINUES READING. LEONARD SHAKES HIS HEAD. MS DAVIS: I got bit by a squirrel once, I had to get rabies shots. I cried so much, my mother said, “Don’t be a baby.” In conclusion, physics is great, squirrels suck, and someday, I’m gonna put my mom in a cheap nursing home. (BEAT). Your’s truly, XOXO Dr Leonard Hofstadter. LEONARD: I-I-I can explain… MS DAVIS: PS, LEONARD FALLS BACK INTO HIS CHAIR MS DAVIS: Can you come pick us up? The Uber driver, won’t open the door, because Sheldon is covered in blue vomit. BLACKOUT END OF TAG RUN END CREDITS END OF SHOW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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